Rochesterians don't want to do shit.

I am beginning to think that people from Rochester don't want to go places or do anything exciting. 90% of these mountain people have never left Rochester, NY. Maybe Toronto like its some big deal other than that they've never been to places like Disney and I am going to go. I am telling myself if I ever get rich I will never forget how people treated me and ignored me as a person. I am tired of trying to fit in somewhere. Really.  On a different note I miss being with my ex. seriously she would go.

Going to Disneyworld by myself.

I am so tired of feeling lonely and wanting to do things but never can because Akin depresses me. He does nothing for me. I don't want him to come over my house or skype me for two minutes. I am through. Goodbye.

Passed my classes/looking at movers/another stupid spectacle

Okay, I finished my Spring Courses I got two A's, one C+ (Psychology) and ASL I got a C. So I am looking at my options for moving. I still have two semesters. I am taking two Summer classes to get more credits. The more I get done, the faster I can get out of Rochester. My sister said I should try to make the Dean's list. I think I will do that! I would love to be on the dean's list, I think that would be exceptionally wonderful. So anyway I am going away this Summer possibly mid-July for Apartment searching and of course to enjoy the beach. We don't have beaches in Rochester, NY.

On a different topic I am going to move on my own. No help or any type from Akin. I am going to say a few things. One he was withdrawn from all four of his classes this semester. He has a GPA of 0.00. He has no interest in passing his classes or maintaining any type of educational background for himself. Here are the list of FLAWS and more FLAWS.

1. Smoking in my house after I tell him to stop.

2. planted flower bulbs OUTSIDE the margin of where I wanted them. So now I have four flower bulbs growing where the yard guys mow and whatnot. I had a fence put in and he decided to be a retard and plant them in odd places.

3. Doesn't brush his teeth or shower daily.

4. Refuses to look for work or continuously fight for his disability case.

5. doesn't communicate effectively at all.

6. Likes to get violent at times.

The list goes on and on. I swear I don't love this man. He comes over sometimes but the more he comes over the more I wanna scream. I don't like him, he is always sick and doesn't do anything to prove he is worth it. I don't know what kind of game he is playing. How does someone let their GPA drop to zero and not feel sick about themselves? I think he has the potential to murder me. He has no care or remorse for anything so maybe murder will be something he would be okay doing and not feel guilty. He also said to me he was getting a refund check for this past semester if he passed his classes. Now he is saying, he had a green slip back into the class and the professor "dropped" the wrong person. I knew he was lying through his rotted teeth.

So it is time to safely get away. I want to ask my old long time friend Joanna if she would be ok driving my car to CT to look at places and maybe helping me move to my new place. I trust her and miss her very much. I wish her husband would trust me and maybe allow her to help me out if she is interested. I haven't talked to her in a long time. I rather ask her to help me move with her hubby if she is up to it. I have to find a way to get ahold of her. I need God in my life. 

Over and Over...like a broken record.

I have mentioned time and time again I don't want Akin smoking in my fucking house. I don't smoke and I have plants and other nice things in my home. He doesn't seem to give a rat's ass. He smokes back to back without a care in the world. I don't think this is going to work then when he goes outside he throws his cigarette butts on the floor so if the management sees it they will say something to me. I am not losing my place because of him.

He woke me up out of my nap because he wanted to fuck. I am not in the mood. Not in the mood for him, in the mood for sex absolutely. Just not with him. And to top it off his hygiene is horrible so it makes it harder for me to want it. I just cleaned my house, took a shower and washed all my clothes ...oh yeah, when I was doing laundry he had an attitude about going back up to my place to grab me a bottle of water while I wash clothes.

He doesn't get it. He doesn't know the principles of living on his own. He never will. He has no concept of saving or respect for other people's personal space. I don't do well with others because most people don't respect me when I am in my own space I like things a certain way. No shoes on in my home, (I have carpet) no cigarettes, don't touch my things without asking, don't take things without asking, no loud music. I like quiet, I have hearing Aids so loud music isn't needed for me. I like music but for someone who has a hearing impairment music isn't always something I like.I can't understand the damn words, I need to look at the lyrics to contemplate and put two and two together.Music I like that doesn't always have words, like techno or easy listening.

 Anyway, I prefer reading books and knowing more about conspiracies and understanding the ways of human development. Alcohol seems to be a big thing in every social class. I can't drink because of my diabetic medication. So the only thing I may be opt to try is weed. and most people who smoke are potheads officially.

My sister is gone most of the time I don't see her anymore. So when we do socialize its about Taz and Wendy. And never about things we can do this summer and plan for. I do have some money and would like to go out but last year we went to Seabreeze and she made a spectacle of herself by going off on Joanne, her partner in public. So I like to go out but not if she's going to be bitter the whole time. She seems to only be happy when she is intimately desiring someone and doesn't want to make a family outing with the person she is interested in she feels jealous or threatened if we go out and the person may laugh at my jokes or something. So we don't even chill on facebook because she has to maintain an image of herself. 

This must be the place-Talking heads

Home is where i want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - burn with a weak heart
(so i) guess i must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok i know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo i got plenty of time
Hi yoyou got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up + say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where i want to be
But i guess i'm already there
I come home - -she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did i find you, or you find me?
There was a time before we were born
If someone asks, this where i'll be . . . where i'll be

Hi yo we drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all tose kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till i'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head ah ooh\

The forgotten people -Thievery Corporation

Blocked people on Facebook

I have over a hundred people I blocked on Facebook for one thing or another. Crazy people out there do't know how to communicate with a bitch.

Not fitting in

I am beginning to think I may be a tad bit socially inept. I am coming to the conclusion I cannot function within large groups of people and when I say large I mean 4 or more people. I don't get a long with black people at all. I don't associate myself well with snobby white people so where do I fit in? First I like to say Rochester, NY is very Clique oriented. Its either you're in a circle or you're not. Or maybe it is like that in Community colleges. I am beginning to see College as another step from High School and preferably another College. People spread rumors faster than a forest fire whenever they don't like you they say nasty things to other people instead of working out the issue. You cannot establish trust within this County. I met a few people who were not from Rochester but more towards Victor and towards Oneida and STOPPED going to class because of the types of personalities this women reflect. When someone gossips about another person to you then you can then speculate this individual may then do the same with you when the time arises of a social conflict.

I've realized no matter how hard I try I can not prove to other people I am not the stereotype that is perceived among socialites. The racial tension is still very much in existence and it is not so much just the race it is more stereotypical, prejudice combined. I am going to go to therapy to make sure it is not just me I need to find a calming center for myself since I am going to be not so busy this summer. I do have plans to leave but that doesn't take place until April.

So I need to figure out what to do with myself as A--- is not helping like usual. He is more of a burden than a relief. Nothing has been done like he said he would do. He was dropped from two of his classes this semester since he didn't attend like he was suppose to. He didn't care that his father fished out $2,500 for his spring course. And now his brother is supposedly giving him his car which is great but who is going to pay for the car insurance? Me? I guess, I could but should I when I will be paying my own car insurance.

I am trying to make the right choices and establish a long term commitment with someone so I don't keep jumping from relationship to relationship. I don't know how to be a conformist I am more unanimously divergent. I like to set my own ideas on what a particular situation is. In Rochester a lot of people are conformist they like to go with the idea that is set in motion along with everyone else. Another word for sheeple. Do what everyone else is doing and not care about whether the idea doesn't fit the puzzle. That was my conflict on my project with the three sheeples. They didn't want to physically participate in the project they just copied pictures off the internet and posted other people's work without quoting it. Which is  plagiarism but who cares, right?

Being completely honest.

I went today to water my plants I bought some miracle grow and some other plant supplies and I smelled urine. Come to find out the little niggers pissed all over my plants. I don't get it. I get nice things and the niggers love to destroy shit and make things harder for everyone else. I went to go and put in my hose I bought to water the plants and the water valve is off. I went to the Office to find out why it was off its because the niggers were abusing the water privilege. How the FUCK do you abuse water privileges? They don't bathe but will overuse water from the water valves. Its ridiculous and I am fed up. It just made me angry because I try every way possible to enjoy my stay here and I can't. I am loving how my push out of Rochester is becoming more prominent. I just hope its not the same where I go. I mean, I know ghetto people everywhere but nothing like the mountain niggers who smell like piss, love to roam around and destroy property. Especially flowers, I'm like..wtf? I am not allowed to enjoy myself because they are just disgusting. I hate knowing my father was black, why though? I will never be like him. I don't live like an Animal. I don't rape, steal and lie from people. I do my best to give the earth the respect it deserves by trying to re do the soil and plants flowers and hope the grass grows back in. I forgot to buy the miracle grow container that goes with the water nozzle.