I worked hard in my classes and studied exceptionally well in my English course and somehow landed a C+ in that course. How is that even possible when most of my papers were graded with A's and B's? Although towards the middle of the semester I noticed I received two D's on two of my essays even though I looked at other people's papers and saw similar grades no matter the race. I just get this uneasy feeling I was still targeted because I focused on my work I don't agree with it. I am not going to flip out but I am going to take that course again and probably go to the Damon campus next time. More black people and less snobby white girls there. One thing I can't stand is a snobby white woman. A woman who feels she has "white privilege."
I have a long way to go this is just the beginning and I have to work harder maybe my attendance has something to do with it? I missed a few classes I am not going to do that in the next semester I will bring my grades up and fight hard. Because in these hard times life doesn't have space for failures. I wish I could call Mina and ask him how he did it, but he doesn't even talk to me. One email and then nothing else he doesn't even like me so that would be inadvertently stupid.My emails aren't viewed as welcomed or silently appreciated, No I don't even get that what I got was, "I don't like your emails spamming my inbox."
Despite all of that I once wished sometimes we were good friends because he was a level headed guy someone who had common sense and very organized with his thoughts and plans He is the kinda guy you go to for a homemade calendar of how your days should go for the month. Even though I hate him for rejecting me and treated me as an invalid because I suffer from chemical imbalances of the brain...he still has good social skills. Something I lack severely, the more I get around educated people the more I shy away and isolate myself even more.
I hate being me. I hate having this personality with this dumb body. I hope I die soon because this isn't going well for me. I will never have the life I want no matter how far I get I will never be happy. No man will ever want me except for Akin. Yeah he is all up in this ass but that's it. No level headed guy would enthusiastically look over at me and think, "she is great!" I love her flabby body, her kinky hair and her roller-coaster emotions and distorted mind and her wonderful lisp and speed talking! Sounds like she is running for the marathon, I love it!" Yeah...NO.
This life was picked out of a box of trash and handed to me to have. I came out ass first to the world because this life was shitty and I knew it. So if people worship satan you got to wonder why. Because God is an infliction of a fairy. He may not be answering me but I may be answering myself. He doesn't love me he despises me because he shows me this every day by reminding me of my birthmother and giving me this stupid body with many illnesses. I can't have kids every other month I think I am pregnant, I have no Father no relatives to go to for the Holidays. I have a twin who is an addict and likes to use me. So YEAH where is the love? The moment I was born I was nothing. No one in this life has ever truly loved me as a person for being who I am it seems like its better to be fake and unusual. I don't care about "god's laws." he violated mine! He violated me when he allowed strangers to molest me as a baby and not take the time to protect me. In this world we live in science and in science this is normal for men to crave innocent pseudo sexual children they crave the idea that they can mold an innocent to their sexual biddings. And so it lives on and so will murder and trade. The only sin in this world is believing in this "bible" that takes over the minds of the world. If god can give children to rapist(human trafficking have dozens of babies) and child porn and sweatshops then I know my lack of having children is just as evil as those who rape them and disregard them. funny how the system allows only wealthy to do people adopt children because that is also part of the human trafficking world. fuck america.
I have a long way to go this is just the beginning and I have to work harder maybe my attendance has something to do with it? I missed a few classes I am not going to do that in the next semester I will bring my grades up and fight hard. Because in these hard times life doesn't have space for failures. I wish I could call Mina and ask him how he did it, but he doesn't even talk to me. One email and then nothing else he doesn't even like me so that would be inadvertently stupid.My emails aren't viewed as welcomed or silently appreciated, No I don't even get that what I got was, "I don't like your emails spamming my inbox."
Despite all of that I once wished sometimes we were good friends because he was a level headed guy someone who had common sense and very organized with his thoughts and plans He is the kinda guy you go to for a homemade calendar of how your days should go for the month. Even though I hate him for rejecting me and treated me as an invalid because I suffer from chemical imbalances of the brain...he still has good social skills. Something I lack severely, the more I get around educated people the more I shy away and isolate myself even more.
I hate being me. I hate having this personality with this dumb body. I hope I die soon because this isn't going well for me. I will never have the life I want no matter how far I get I will never be happy. No man will ever want me except for Akin. Yeah he is all up in this ass but that's it. No level headed guy would enthusiastically look over at me and think, "she is great!" I love her flabby body, her kinky hair and her roller-coaster emotions and distorted mind and her wonderful lisp and speed talking! Sounds like she is running for the marathon, I love it!" Yeah...NO.
This life was picked out of a box of trash and handed to me to have. I came out ass first to the world because this life was shitty and I knew it. So if people worship satan you got to wonder why. Because God is an infliction of a fairy. He may not be answering me but I may be answering myself. He doesn't love me he despises me because he shows me this every day by reminding me of my birthmother and giving me this stupid body with many illnesses. I can't have kids every other month I think I am pregnant, I have no Father no relatives to go to for the Holidays. I have a twin who is an addict and likes to use me. So YEAH where is the love? The moment I was born I was nothing. No one in this life has ever truly loved me as a person for being who I am it seems like its better to be fake and unusual. I don't care about "god's laws." he violated mine! He violated me when he allowed strangers to molest me as a baby and not take the time to protect me. In this world we live in science and in science this is normal for men to crave innocent pseudo sexual children they crave the idea that they can mold an innocent to their sexual biddings. And so it lives on and so will murder and trade. The only sin in this world is believing in this "bible" that takes over the minds of the world. If god can give children to rapist(human trafficking have dozens of babies) and child porn and sweatshops then I know my lack of having children is just as evil as those who rape them and disregard them. funny how the system allows only wealthy to do people adopt children because that is also part of the human trafficking world. fuck america.
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