Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Tame Impala - Mind Mischief

Feels like my life is ready to blow,
Me and my love we'll take it slow.
I hope she knows that I'll love her long,
I just don't know where the hell I belong.

How optimism led me astray,
Two hundred things I took the wrong way.
But I saw her love gauge running low,
I tried to fill but it overflowed.

She remembers my name
Could be blown way out...
It's all going to change
She remembers my name.

But she was only messing around,
Please, no more playing with my heart.
Ooh, go with mr. right just for once!
Oooh, no more mischief with my mind.

Then it all just came out
Guess I'll hold it in next time...

No more getting it wrong,
I'll be frozen here on.
If forever we'll see,
But no more guessing for me.

Oh, I was just so sure of everything
Ooh, that's what you get for dreaming aloud
Oh, the day that words are clearer to me 

Small blog today

Yesterday I was sick my sugar wasn't right, my blood pressure was 127/100 I had a mild fever. So I took Tylenol and slept all afternoon. I feel better now just the idea that I became sick during class wasn't good. So I am still tired but I will sleep after my ASL class. I have homework to do from my HED class. A lot of it, she claims she doesn't give out much but she did. Eh, it is to be expected when your attending College. So I am getting off of this blog and off to class then homework I want to make the Dean's list! That would be awesome.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

log on log off

Stop going through my email akin. stop. you won't find what you're looking for so logging me out of my own gmail I know because my settings are set to where I know when my email is being accessed. I guess I get a taste of my own medicine 

Friday, January 25, 2013

When A goes into M..

I am annoyed but firstly let me say I was VERY happy earlier I enjoyed my day. My Professors are awesome I haven't met one yet that is on Saturdays, (ASL). I know Rita was a bit abhorrent so we will see how this woman is. Anyway, I broke up with Akin last week and we do talk but it isn;t about anything he tried raping me today. I mean it. We got into a fight and he bit me. I don't want to fuck him.   He followed me throughout the school I didn't even know it. This guy is a lunatic. I never really noticed because I am just oblivious to people's problems I just focus on building relationships no matter how bad someone is broken but sometimes people are really sick and need serious help and without it they may end up hurting someone. I don't want to talk about it anymore I just want to finish my homework ao I can pass I already have received TWO 100%'s for my work.

Before I go, I do miss Mina every day I wish I could've had him as a friend in my life because he was supportive and caring. I regret it very much. Because he was right. And I mean, he did say like two sentences to be which were very contrasted. So I know he said I was kinda stalking...but I don't mean to. I just wanted a friend even if we never really saw each other it would've been nice to have a friend. I think he really hates me. It kills me inside. 

Josh Groban : Brave

Josh Groban – Brave Lyrics
Wake up, wake up, the sun cannot wait for long.
Reach out, reach out before it fades away.
You will find the warmth when you surrender.
Smile into the fear and let it play.
You wanna run away, run away and you say that it can’t be so.
You wanna look away, look away but you stay cause’ it’s all so close.
When you stand up and hold out your hand.
In the face of what I don’t understand.
My reason to be brave.
Hold on, hold on, so strong, time just carries on.
And all that you thought was wrong is pure again.
You can’t hide forever from the thunder.
Look into the storm and feel the rain.
You wanna run away, run away and you say that it can’t be so.
You wanna look away, look away but you stay cause’ it’s all so close.
When you stand uṗ and hold out your hand.
In the face of what I don’t understand.
My reason to be brave.
Go on, go on…
You wanna run away, run away and you say that it can’t be so.
You wanna look away, look away but you stay cause’ it’s all so close.
When you stand up and hold out your hand.
In the face of what I don’t understand.
My reason to be brave.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The sunny side of things

I am considering Florida as an option of my many choices of relocation. My cousin lives there and we visited each other a few weeks ago and it went well. I think sunshine and plenty of fresh air will help although I don't like the heat. I don't like sweating like a whore in church on a sunday. So maybe I should try it out and see how it goes maybe I'll like it, who knows. Never hurts to try things out. There is always Air conditioning. :-)


Monday, January 21, 2013

Last night

Tonight is my last night of sleeping in late, this semester is going to be a busy one. I have one class to fix my grade on and hopefully I can pass it. I really don't have a choice I also got my other books in the mail from my School so I can return my psychology books since I switched the class. I hate having to walk outside in the snow I do have a goal and it is specifically set in place for me so I don't have to walk in the snow.

On a different note, I started filling out applications for Apartments and Townhouses to stay at for the remainder of my College degree course and hopefully after two years I can leave Rochester and start a better life for myself at______. The townhomes I checked out are pretty nice you have your own basement where you can hook up your washer and dryer its basically a small house of your own where you don't have upstairs or downstairs neighbors.   The only downfall is most of them are renting only not owning.

I was going to relocate to Canada to a University I was really admiring but I don't see that in my future.
Different personal scenarios have taken place to kind of decipher and render that decision almost impossible. But not just yet. I unsure of what I want at the moment. I do like Rochester sometimes when we have people who are open- minded and it is just really hard to find people I can relate to. A lot of people up here are very family oriented and love to mingle among one another and never look outside their cozy box of mishaps. Or maybe I am just not really looking in the right places. I have to remember that my age affects my chances of getting friends through College. A lot of those kids are in their teens and I don't know about anyone else but I think it would be weird for me to associate with an 18 yr old when I'm 32. Maybe a hot guy in his early 20's cougar style for hot sex. But that's about it.

  I have tried dating men from here and it always ends up the same. So I think it is best if I move away.
If I stay here I will continue to be in a Relationship with him. He hasn't changed and he isn't going to. He will continue to drag me into his pity pot. So the next step is getting a new place, even though this place is nice on the inside it is falling apart. Because the management refuses to keep it up to par. And protect its residents from crime they allow everyone and their mother in here. So enough bitching and getting on with it.

So my goals for living with someone was never thought out. I had my sister with me but she can never seem to have money for the rent when it comes up. And I am not trying to ruin that for myself. Evictions follow you around you know?

Let's talk about sex. What if you want to sleep with someone younger like 20 and you're in your mid thirties what's wrong with that? Something about a young faced tan guy just gets me hot.

Muse - Madness


I, I can't get these memories out of my mind,
And some kind of madness has started to evolve.
I, I tried so hard to let you go,
But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole, yeah

I have finally seen the light,
And I have finally realized,
What you mean.
Ooh oh oh

And now, I need to know is this real love,
Or is it just madness keeping us afloat?
And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had,
Like some kind of madness
Was taking control

And now I have finally seen the light,
And I have finally realized,
What you need.


And now I have finally seen the end
(Finally seen the end)
And I'm not expecting you to care
(Expecting you to care)
But I have finally seen the light
(Finally seen the light)
I have finally realized
I need to love
I need to love

Come to me,
Just in a dream
Come on and rescue me.
Yes I know, I can be wrong
Maybe I'm too headstrong
Our love is

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Realizing how sensitive people are

I am beginning to see the things I do impulsively had an all time affect on how others viewed me. I realize now how different you were from the others and I missed a perfect opportunity to meet a person who may have been the idealistic friend. Sometimes in life we see what we do and notice how we ruin things in our own judgement. I regret the choices I made and somehow nothing in the light of my words will ever change how you see me. We are like mirrors only reflection is our surrection in life.

           When we decide to  change ourselves, it is then people around us change too. It is human science when it comes to emotion we develop it based on social situations. Emotion is based on life events and scenarios that lead to different types of consequences. Consequence is not necessarily a negative thing as it is a positive thing. Consequence is just an action to a reaction. When I mistreat someone it reflects back to me when I am treated the same way, and it hurts. And it is to show me not to do again, it'll ruin my psyche of how I view myself. If you treat people the way you want to be treated, (guessing your psyche is healthy) then you'll get positive results. I am constantly thinking, analyzing scenarios. Because the next time I get around people I want to see how I can change the way I communicate. I am constantly wired these days, not a dull moment. I need to relax and take things slow but somehow my brain won't let me. Ever since I stopped getting high on weed and sometimes Vicodin I have been alert and hyped.

         Maybe that is why I am not getting A's in my class, I don't let a thought sink in before I think of the next one. I don't finish projects that I start, like my wall collage I still have not finished it. It is a masterpiece of my devine art and it is not completed. However, it is something I only do when the time is right, and lately I haven't felt artistic because of my mind being focused on other issues that really shouldn't be over-analyzed. Maybe I still have ADHD, might explain the fast talking and so many thoughts running wild in my head, lack of sleep at night. I can't take it anymore. It is making me stir crazy. I am going to play my Civilization V game to keep me focused I don't want to think about it anymore.

Friday, January 18, 2013

last weekend with you my Mediterranean men

This is the last weekend before I go back to school, I am going to be a different person. I sort of smoked weed yesterday, I am saying fuck it all. Fuck my values, I am so sexually frustrated and mentally too. I am just not satisfied with what is in front of me I want more. I want something different a fire to spark my interest. I am not going to be able to come on here and bitch. I think I have a taste for Mediterranean men, I finally know what it is I like, they are so sexy aggressive and cunning. I like it. Yes. If I ever see another redhead or blond man hitting on me I will throw up something about pale skin that makes me feel ill. I even like Italian men, well some. Are they considered Mediterranean? I am going to sign up for one of those single sites.. Mediterranean men  I know I said it was kind of pathetic before but now I am going against my own advice. I just want to experience another race from the mediterranean seas. You have Palestinians, Arabic's, Persians, etc..etc...although I prefer my hot egyptian men. No doubt. They are so damn fine. Well not all, but a few are very sexy and intelligent. A guy I met who is becoming a dentist is coming to the States this summer and I am excited! He is so sexy, very dark. I admit I am nervous haha...I will make sure he doesn't get crazy. I know they're very controlling, I don't mind. I like the abuse. I know I'm crazy...but oh well. The way they look into my eyes, mmm...hold me down while they enter my wet sex... so big, so dominant. They can work their hips let me tell you, make me grab the sheets while they talk dirty in my ear. I love when they talk in arabic let me tell you. I can't wait, it will be a summer fling and then he goes home. So I hope it is as good as it has been. We haven't done the Skype thing yet. I want to. 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Feeling better today.

Today I am happier than usual, because I am rocking my MCC college hoodie, hair pulled up in a bun laundry washed, clothes still in the baskets neatly and folded. Dishes clean, no Akin to torment me with his weirdness. I left the house all day with my sister and enjoyed my day. I got to drive the car which was a  plus for me since I have my license but no car, not yet. I am almost  reaching my goals.  I am really tired I only had seven hours of sleep last night. So now I'm relaxing ad beginning to feel the tiredness. I think I'll play my game and just enjoy being by myself.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Keys - Obsession

Ok, Now You About's To Dance
Like Ants Was All In Ya Pants
Not Cause They Playin' Ya Jam
Because I'm Holding that hammer
I don't know what y'all planned
But what y'all should understand
Is that with all these bars
I Can't help but put hoes in the slammer
You do it for the camera
The flashy lights and glamour
I do it to be the first
Rap bitch with clothes and with talent
But that's only just half of it
The truth about the matter is
I'm pissin' on your stratosphere
To make you a lil madder, dear
Oh, bitch you disgusted?
If you're really mad
Then bust it
But the smartest thing
Would be to shut the fuck up
And just do nothing
Cause all that feeling brave
And crawling out your cage
Won't do much of anything
But names paved in the grave


I ain't mad at your upset-ness
That there is expected
But thinkin' bout me night and day
Come on that's just obsession
If you like to get you up and hard as an erection
I'll simply take your head
And add it to my collection

Keys talking:

You're spending way too much time looking up "Keys" on Youtube.
You're looking kinda obsessed. I mean, I'm sure you have something better to do.
Don't you?

Now some uh some uh some of them uh hate
But none of them want problems
When them guns up in they face
Not to say that I'm a gangsta
Really, I'm just too cute for that
All I'm saying,
When there's war
We got a lot of tools for that
You be on that nice shit
I be on that knife shit
Crunching on you bitches
Like a pregnant bitch with ice chips
Ever since my freestyles
I just can't go to the mall no more
Too many people
Wanna pic like,
"Aye yo Keys, you mauled that whore!"
I be like, "thanks, geez."
Look at the cameras like, "Cheese!"
Too many fans around me for a hater
That's a tight squeeze
When I spit
I'm pouring acid
Where's your pad
I'll autograph it
My bars, they are so nasty
They sounding slightly pornographic


I ain't mad at your upset-ness
That there is expected
But thinkin' bout me night and day
Come on that's just obsession
If you like to get you up and hard as an erection
I'll simply take your head
And add it to my collection

Keys Talking:

You know, you're spending just a little too much time trying to hack Keys's Twitter.
Oh My God, I mean look at you. You've got veins poppin' outta ya neck and everything. Calm Down.

Un unh, correction.
I'll feed you to my set then
Bury ya bones separately
In pieces you can rest, then.
Me, Smiths, and Weston
Are a mean connection
Put us altogether,
You gon' need some mo' protection.
Oh, these bitches fancy now?
Yeah, I see em flexin'
Till I grab a bitch out
Just to see how far her neck bend.
What, you want it
Next then
What you want,
A checked chin
Keys put more shots in bitches
Than Botox and Restilin


I ain't mad at your upset-ness
That there is expected
But thinkin' bout me night and day
Come on that's just obsession
If you like to get you up and hard as an erection
I'll simply take your head
And add it to my collection

Not everything is about you.

Why do you have to be such a fucking jerk? Can you have some compassion or is your head filled with too much hot sauce? Mistakes happen and I am not following you around.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Monroe Community college I hate them.

Okay, so MCC tells me I need to retake one of my classes in order to not be on suspension or shamed upon. So i did just that. I went in dropped my psychology class for ASL once again. I then clicked on one of the professors because he is booked and fit in with my schedule. He waits a week to get back to me and says, "I don't accept over the maximum of students." Snobby twerp. So I said okay, do you accept waitlisted students and how do you go about getting on the wait list? The little twerp didn't answer. So going against my better judgement I clicked the button to drop the PSY class and go for ASL with a different professor who happens to be at the same time as my now dropped Psychology class. On the left side there is a click button for the class being open, so I was delighted but dread soon followed when it said I was waitlisted for that class.  This school is a joke, they set you up for failure. Let me explain do it doesn't look like I am lying or making shit up. I was told to set up my classes for times most appropriate for me and to do it at my pace and I needed to retake this class or I would fail and be n suspension. I did just that, I went back to take the ASL again with a different professor. However, no one is open for the times safer and easier for me to get into. The times are late at night, I don't drive and the Security on the campus is nothing of safe people get robbed, sexually assaulted at this campus during the hours of 8-12am, the school has a history of it. So anyway, if I am not a full time student my F.A gets cut in half and I don't get my TAP award. I don't know if I will get into this class. I need to get to the Advisement center tomorrow I know it is going to be a long line and nine times out of ten they are usually very reluctant in helping you with any concerns of class scheduling it is very confusing they make you sit at a computer and register on your own. If I needed a computer I wouldn't have mine right in front of me. Well according to the Office I just show up to the class...*crosses my fingers. I don't want to look like a dumb- bell and have gawks and stares of why- the- fuck- am- I- there, kinda thing. This school is so strict on Financial Aid and doesn't really have a good policy. You can lose your F.A instantly just by failing a class, like you were supposed to be super smart and know why a fly flew up the wooly mammoth's  ass and that caused the elaborate extinction of said mammoth during the ice age. Like what the fuck? Do I need to be any more retarded right now?

R.H: I went to the Office a few days ago to take care of my electrical outlet that was pushed in so far in and according the maintenance staff it was nailed in instead of using the proper prongs for the outlet so that explains why the outlet was pushed far in. It was because of drywalling not adjusting to screw like nails. DUH motherfucker. You don't use drill in screws for drywall and then use this ghetto technique for an electrical outlet. Why the fuck am I here again? I then was told how bad this complex is becoming and now would be a good time to move. This is so not the way I planned things. I wanted to just stay in one place and finish my education. Why can't people just be professional? and do things by the book? Rochester has so many backwoods ways about it that leads me to believe getting an Education and living in a good place is not reality here. I am so ready to move home and get out of here.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Rochester Highlands.

Today I am not in a good mood, I haven't been in a good mood due to the bullshit that goes on here. I was glad to move here along time ago, until the garbage started being left by the dumpsters and by my window sill. Then we have random people ringing my door bell to only be let in for the obese,self-endowed prostitute who lives across the hall, various men come in and out like a 24. hour diner. I don't complain to the office because of my record here I am trying to maintain a good record without any complaints the only thing I am wrong for is late rent payments by a few days. I have a disability I don't like bothering with people and I was also in College. I had enough, I go outside and it is nothing but straight ghetto hoodrats living here. I am deeply appalled by my own race as they subject themselves to this nonsense. But then again I see that a lot of the trash being dumped by tenants is left in front of dumpsters and on the sidewalks due to the dumpsters being overflowed. If the complex would have garbage pickup twice a week then maybe things would look better. I don't want to talk about it anymore I am currently applying to other complexes.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

UPS Tracking and less tracking of him.

I like to order things online from time to time and prefer it better that way due to so many people overcrowding the local shopping centers and nothing left for moi' so I like the quiet relaxing shopping experience in my bathrobe drinking coffee just browsing for household items and lavishes. Anyway, I ordered something a few days ago and the usual, UPS comes and drop it off at the VERY latest hour, 7pm. Everyone else seems to enjoy this in case you work all day this is convenient for you. Well, anyway that wasn't my issue. My issue was the "transfer" of my package to USPS. I don't like UPS that much but I really despise my mail man. Because one of the mail men doesn't like to pick up my, 'ready- to- be- sent -out' mail from my mailbox. I had two pieces of mail that needed to be sent out for two days and the fucker just let it sit there. I don't have a car just yet so it is very important I utilize myself in a conductive manner with all this ice around the side walks. The office doesn't have a proper maintenance crew so ice stays formed on sidewalks. The maintenance guy likes to ride around in a little go-cart and spray hard rock salt all over people's car, it hits the windshields and bumper but never seems to hit its direct target, the ice. Anyway, so my package gets sent to the post office and thrown in front of my door by usps without notice and sometimes they don't always drop it off they'll make you go all the way to the post office to pick it up if they're assholes.

By the way, I still miss him. I dreamed about him a few days ago. It's so weird. It's been over a year and we never met up again...well once and it was brief. I tried, you know? to be honest and he says I am a bully. I am not. I just want a good confrontation when needed how can I lay back and let you take control of my life if you can't handle a simple task of assertiveness? Yes, I want my prince in armor to rescue from the crazy boyfriend. He couldn't do it. He laid low in the shadows and whispered among his mistresses of how mentally disheveled I was. The more I think of it the more I want to scream, I don't scream on the top of my lungs or show much emotion only when I have night terrors I wake up screaming and running because a part of me is darkened and alone. I go to dark places in my mind that are to never be released. Sometimes I think I date demons or small dark creatures who live in human bodies. It feels like I've never dated an actual human before all in my head.

Well today I am cooking my sister came over to hang out I am making beef ribs with rice and veggies with cornbread. So we can OM-NOM-NOM. I love food I admit it, I will never be skinny and food is damn good. I don't see how skinny people can just starve themselves and not care about food. I care about my health but food is exceptionally delicious. Without it we would be unhappy and ill.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

P!nk - Try

Ever wonder about what he's doing
How it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try

Eh, eh, eh

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy
Even when it's not right

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try

Ever worried that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by by by

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try

You gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Dear Stupid Man

How the deviation spills inside me like a hot lava in a Hawaiian Volcano ready to explode with fiery. Akin is such a fucking manipulator. I bought a Sony movie system theater six months ago or more. And He told me it doesn't work on my Tv. I believed him like a jackass until I decided to hook it up myself the fucker works!!! He told me he didn't like the speakers not working on regular TV when he wants to watch it.

I am just livid with anger. He continues to fucking amaze me. I am sitting down now to write this blog because this is the only place I can write how I feel and won't be yelled at or fought with. I really really despise him right now. I don't know if I am making a big deal of it or what. The reason I am now getting like this or getting around to putting the home theater together is I recently bought an  E.C I put most of it together myself  took me a few days but I did it and then I decided to go through the Tupperware containers and throw stuff out that I no longer need. I organized just about everything including the DVD shelf I purchased

The whole point is  I wanted to make my home look more like a home and not a dumpster yard. When I plugged the Sony home theater system in and WALAH to my astonishment it works. I texted Akin and asked him what the deal was. His original lie was, "This DVD player is not compatible with this TV."And I believed him like an trusting ass-wipe that I am. Like why lie about trivial shit? I had it collecting dust in my tupperware for no good reason it's one thing to say, "oh I don't know how to put this together to this doesn't work with your TV." With the new technology on this TV a 3-D 50" inch flatscreen seems to be up on todays technology I don't think they would accidentally forget to "add an output for the HDMI cable". That was his original excuse 6 mos. ago. Now his new lie is " You asked me to plug it in as a receiver, not a DVD system." WTF? How else am I supposed to watch movies? I know P.B is my original choice I can always hook up the macbook to the HDMI converter and fullscreen the monitor onto the TV if I wanted, but I wanted a DVD theater system for other times. Or maybe I just want it there for Company in case my family want to come and watch a movie. 

The point is, he didn't put it together right, like he didn't put the E.C together, or the toilet space-saver  had to do it by myself, which was hard and shitty experience He doesn't build or fix things. Oh here is another one, he made me buy him two 16GB of ram for his laptop in exchange for his old one to put in my laptop. come to find out the ram didn't fit his laptop it was the wrong one. He calls himself a Nerd or a geek and yet doesn't know shit about Computer hardware. I am going to take a course on computer hardware so I can learn about ram and bytes. I'll tell you what I'll be better at what he is supposed to be good at. He got mad when I put the E.C together myself and then got even more annoyed when he had to put the rest of it together and did a half-ass job at it. So I went ahead and did it myself. 

When I asked him to get me some brackets to hang up the cabinet I purchased he said, "ok." today I asked him for the brackets and he said, "I'll look if not, I'll go to Home depot." 

Just do it. Just hit me. 
Hit me. REALLY hard.

"How in hell are you going to Home Depot, Akin, you don't drive nor do you have your car anymore!" I exclaimed. He just goes to these places in his head that don't measure up with reality. It's like he is trying to hush me by making plans that are not going to happen. If he were to say, "Well, if you're going to Walmart tomorrow, I'll give you the cash to grab it if I can't find any."That would have made sense and probable. But not with him everything is improbable and inconsistent, I feel like I am just wasting my time with a loser. He doesn't work, so how will he get to Home Depot which is on the other side of town? Steal a horse from an imaginary stable ad gallop into the wind of sprinkles?As much as I try to just lay low and make a better life for myself and respect other people it never seems to work out. I am constantly tired and drained I am always doing something around the house like repairing stuff and buying replacements for things needed. After I am done here I am going to write out a list of things that need to be done let's see if he does any of it tomorrow.

Getting ready for the next one.

Three weeks until the spring Semester starts for College, anticipation at its finest. I messed up in my ASL class, I didn't pass the course. I am not going to sit here and act like I am the best thing in this world because I am far from it I am just like everyone else I also have things I need to work on. I am hard of hearing but ironically I failed an ASL class. I did't like most of the students in the class they bored the shit out of me, made me nervous and they were snotty when it came to them working with a black woman they rolled their eyes and tried to associate themselves with other pale petite girls like themselves.

          I remember being in front of the class doing my presentation and only getting through half of it and not remembering the rest of it. I am 32 yrs old in a 18-22 yr old setting with a teacher who is 38 yrs old. Not a good thing in my eyes. It may be the age difference that sets me apart from the others. I am a big woman and so being around others who are different from myself just irritates me because they all act the same way. Talk like they live in the Valley, wear those long tan boots, big overstuffed scarves around their neck, straighten their hair, big oversized bags and chew gum. Nothing unusual, just the same attitude, like their Daddies are millionaires and they are to be worshipped. It drove me nuts. I wish I could join a club at the College. They gave us a list of clubs to join, I want to do that. I want to meet other people like myself.

                   So this week I need to get to the School and figure out a game plan for myself to get this ASL grade up to a higher grade. I passed all my other courses except for Math and ASL. I failed math in the Summer, 5 weeks of cramped work. No one knows the reality of coming from an secondary schooling system in foster care. Those places are terrible with keeping students up to par on education like other students who are not in residential placement by the state. When we become adults it affects us because there are no secondary Colleges for continuing education for Ex-foster kids. I remember being in school and having a 5th grade math paper that  I knew easily and I was supposed to be in a 8th grafe math level. I told my teacher and she didn't care. So when I went to a higher math level in College I kinda was stuck because I don't remember learning certain things in school. And it wasn't my fault, it was the school education system's fault for failing to provide adequate Education. And I remember getting grimaced looks from my white teachers when I would present a book report with a higher reading level. My mother taught me those things. And I love her for that.