Sunday, May 27, 2012

Every thing he does gets on my nerves.

I am playing DC and Akin just gets on my fucking nerves. I thought if I try other things with him things will get better. Well, No. they just get worse. Let me break it down.

1. I don't know what tier 1 armor is and what it looks like. So my friend was trying to tell me on his headset where to go. Here comes loudmouth ..this is how it looks. My friend: Just go down here-
first of all dude...turn your volume down and stop cock blocking. I flipped. I'm like, turn it down.
and I was asking my friend what to do. He is the one with Tier two armor on. Shit. fuck. I wanna punch something I wanna scream.

2. Navigation and direction. He has to CONTROL every fucking thing. He gave reins to my friend to be group leader to go do the daily vault(you get free armor which can boost your Combat rating) then my friend wanted to go into an arena so I did then of course akin has to just speed through everything. You can't do that in an arena. I got knocked out like three times because he just didn't stick together. I flipped out. And signed off. He won't stop texting me he won't leave me the fuck alone.He keeps coming over my house even when he is not welcome. I can' even go to school to take care of class stuff without him up my ass. We have a R.O and he doesn't give a fuck. I wanna just leave Rochester because I know I'll never be able to meet another guy or make friends without him being objective and loud.

I decided to stay logged off for the night. I want to go to Florida but NOT with him. He will embarrass me throughout the whole trip. He smokes too much, he is demented. Like for example I was telling him about how aluminium is being released into the clouds aka chemtrails and is making us sick. He has NO CLUE on this matter and says it is false. But Yet Nasa released a statement on it saying it is true. HA. And I felt a sense of rage come over me. I see now what everyone else sees. He is disgusting inside and out. He is not a good person. He uses money and perversion to get his way. Without it, he is hopeless.

He gets into married women's beds to fulfill the void in his life. He is a burden and I fear I will not be able to get rid of him. I may have to leave Rochester to get away permanently.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Leaving negative commentary on your Financial Aid account

Now if I am not mistaken I am pretty sure ethical laws still apply to people who work in Government buildings. I had an argument with a condescending secretarial woman who worked at the F.A office at my school whether she was wrong and I was wrong is not the issue. This was well over two months ago, I filed a complaint with head of MCC and so her boss contacted me and said he would deal with the situation. Well, it wasn't dealt with and she ended up writing a commentary on my account saying I was rude and violent. I'm like, "Are you serious?!" I was told by a nice lady at the F.A office, she was confused and unsure as to why this was going on. And that this was unethical. And so I contacted her Boss via email and let him know about this commentary. Let's see what he does about it. I also let him know if this continues I will file a restraining order against her;she is abusing power and people like that should not work in customer service or any educational setting that involves someone else's personal financial information and she is going into my account posting remarks that were not 100% accurate. If she wants to try and taint my college experience I will go ahead and file a report against her and then show it to the Dean. Or better yet I'll get people to sign a petition based on her work ethics and rude customer service. I speak to you with respect and deserve the same back. If you don't like your job, quit.

I know one thing, you won't speak to me as if I am dirt under your shoe. not gonna fly with me.

I fucking hate Rochester, NY.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Plus sized models and bras.

I am looking around for some really good plus size bras. I am a big woman and so bras are really hard to find for the right fit and the right type. I end up spending less money on obvious crappy bras. It seems like large women have to pay TWICE the amount for a good bra. That seems discriminatory and should be against sales ethics. These bras I buy are at places like Walmart. I am on a budget so spending $40.00 on a bra seems excessive. And so I settle for the $25.00 bra which is STILL expensive to me. And THOSE bras are crappy. Either the strings on them don't tighten enough, and so they sag at the shoulders, make my boobs look droopier than they already are so what is the point of wearing a bra. I once bought TWO maternity bras (couldn't tell) And they fit wonderfully accept for the plastic clip in the front. It pushes into my skin and hurts and leaves marks around my breast. I want comfortability, not hostility. I need a pushup incentive I went online and the only places I may have to resort to is  Lane Bryant, JCPenny, or Ashley Stewart. So as I was browsing the  Lane Bryant bra catalog they had "plus size" models. HA. what a joke! These women looked like normal size women from the 1960's. They are not plus sized, but the average petitie women from the 60's.

I'm shocked and appalled that the only fat store we have is loaded with skinny models. How is that okay? Why is the media pushing this skinny frail idea towards us? Are they trying to eliminate food sources so we'll die off? I think they're trying to say that, "Hey! starve yourself, it is okay!

Desperate men who resort to personal ads for girlfriends.

I am here to write a small blog about men who search for women on personals. I steer clear of those. For one of the many obvious reasons. 1. If a man cannot charm a woman face to face or lure her interest in any physical form you have to ask yourself what is it about this individual that would lead to the last resort to, online dating? I am not trying to be funny I just think it is kinda sad. ...and funny. I never really had a hard time finding a date, but found them when I least expected it. I met two guys online. One was out of a mistake...I was using a cartoon online character for fun when I met my current BF. I wasn't looking to date I was married at the time!

And anyway when me and my BF were having problems I wanted that loving feeling again, like a fire of passion. So I met some other guy online and THAT was my worst mistake ever! So, online dating is not something people should do, I think a lot of those guys are pricks.

I mean, some are married, crazy, with kids, liars, rapist, addicts, felons and losers. So far I think I've covered the bases. If a guy cannot meet a girl he is equally attracted to in reality then the SMART women know the deal, if you're a jerk. So to me in my opinion these men are looking for someone to take advantage of. Whether it's fun or games, more so... just sex or to play head games.

Now you could meet someone at school then that would be something interesting. Also, look into his ex girlfriends or wives. Nine times out of ten he is still doin' her if he is online looking for some action. Or she is recovering herself from the bad relationship that her photos probably would resemble the crap he put her through.

Men who don't open up about themselves are the ones with red flags. BIG red flags and should not be taken lightly. Many times people think it is nothing when a guy doesn't open up about themselves. When in actuality it is something that could be serious. Like sociopathic behavior or some type of psychoanalysis that was done to them to determine why they are cut off from emotion. Ok.. goodnight. I am exhausted.

Friday, May 18, 2012

When you say, Go! I say, Wait! Not yet!

I aways wondered what is the obsession with men marrying or dating women who are clueless to life? And only live to fulfill the reproduction prophecy? Whatever happened to meeting a woman who can travel to many places with her mind? I miss seeing intelligent men who are mentally driven to grown further with life.

I will admit I prefer middle eastern men that are intelligent and american speaking of course! I just don't like it when my mind keeps drifting him.Why? Why is he in my  head. He doesn't like me, he doesn't want anything to do with me. It hurts still and I want to get over him, what do I do. I miss his scent, his hair...oh god, his hair I loved it. I could see myself with this guy having his kids and being old together. He wanted dates and fancy places. I am a hermit. I admit it I go out to school and places but right back here. I don't like City lifestyles, however I'll go visit and come right back to the suburbs. I like my peace and quiet. I am not a fast go lucky kinda person, however I will put up a fight when someone is wrong.

I like going places when I want to go. I'm not an outside person. I have my reasons with one of them being I am mostly deaf, not completely because I have 40% hearing. But treated like dirt growing up has made me hyper-sensitive and paranoid to other humans. and not to mention large crowds of people who are obnoxious busy bodies make me nauseous, dizzy and anxiety kicks in. I am also fat. Yep. So that doesn't help me any.

However, when I am around other invalids like myself I tend to feel secular and more confident and give others the same false hope I was given, not in a mean way but more like let's make this false hope a reality. and so I go back home to my DCUO world and live as a super hero or villain depending on the mood. When you're bullied growing up it is a disease it leads to you becoming similar to your abusers. Now kids that bully other kids are being bullied at home or by someone they trust.

So unhappiness is what we are facing here. And it will not go away just because you have a new job or won the lotto. It'll be there permanently cored in your subconscious that eats away at you because deep down you've been skull fucked. It is the truth. And sadly, no one wants to admit it like, "Hey, yeah Big Joe used to put my tighty- whites over my head and hang me from my locker, so now I do it to my 5 yr old son."

Well I am off to do laundry and relax no school today. I got my books and I am quite content with my choices. I want to be over excited but then is that the way people normally behave over education? I want to earn a doctorate. I know I am at the bottom of the sea next to spongebob but hopefully I can arise if I live that long.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


I woke up with a massive headache, must be from playing DCUO all night well I managed to get up and get ready to grab my school books for the summer. Crap cost me $310.00 for only three USED books and some supplies. A- was rushing me like I'm labeled with a timestamp about to expire. I came here to get my stuff and go home but after his pushing and irritable mood I decided to sit here and write in my blog and tell him how things are going to go. No need for him to rush me! We had lunch, he has finals and so go smoke go eat and go take your finals. He is so unprepared for everything. He is a speedster with no time dial, he makes you feel like you are on a roller-coaster going downhill with no breaks..And the only thing you can hold onto is his balls and that doesn't even begin to ease things. 

I think when you live under a strict controlled environment you tend to be erratic when freedom becomes available to you so I have to understand that. Anyway, As I am writing this blog we have three large African american females three tables away from me laughing like hyenas in a public community college cafeteria. Why? Shouldn't you be discussing finals or better yet registering for a class on Human interaction and social public relations? 

Things like that make me cringe and wonder how doomed is our nation? When will we teach our young children that we are civilized and learn to control your emotions in public. How bout dress codes and common sense on how or what to wear when you're out in public? For example, if you are a large woman  like in the XXXL's department you shouldn't wear bright pink spandex outside or in ANY public place. Especially in a predominantly suburban white Community College. I am biracial, and have decency and class. I know certain things should not be worn. 

I was in line ordering my lunch in the cafeteria and this chick almost made me drop my lunch, her spandex was so was embarrassing. I couldn't fathom what possessed her ghetto ass to think this was acceptable? She kept blocking me from getting to the register like she wanted me to see her over sized pink -ballooned- ass. It was pouring out of her pants like, "please get me the fuck out!" I wanted to go to the bookstore and get her a pair of sweatpants. 

They need to fix the dress codes for schools including colleges. It is distracting, and not in a good sense either. So when I am in Human anthropology I'll picture the damn Rhesus monkey shaking his baboon ass at YES it can effect your grades.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

One thing after another

So I am writing again. And maybe I don't want to but I have to say I don't care for the mediocrity and the senseless thoughts of pure dumbness I am going to head out to Florida and fucking enjoy myself. I might as well. 

Monday, May 14, 2012

Student loans ...and him in my brain...AGAIN.

For those of you who may be in a financial bind and live below the poverty line...let's talk about Poverty guidelines for a second and those who see themselves above that line or those who don't know there was a line there to define them personally. Here are the current statistics and  Poverty levels for 2012  now you may be in for a rude awakening so prepare yourselves for the TRUTH

I didn't know I wasn't considered poverty ridden. I make more than $11,000 a year and I guess I should be grateful and wish those who are in poverty, will uprise. Anyway I was here to talk about Student loans and which ones to apply for if anyone ever needed another opportunity. I applied for everything. And whatever I don't use will be given back to pay off loans/interest I already have. I wanted to note a website that is to help older students who are in debt to help them pay it off.

First, this loan program is only good until June. Afterwards it is no longer available. So I suggest to those who have low income to get on this and set up a consolidation to pay off your debt. It goes according to your income and they will send you some paperwork to your current address. You can easily fill it out online and the estimates will be sent to you. I liked this program and will offer others to go ahead and do this. It is from the Direct loans (FAFSA/STUDENT AID) and it only available to those who have low income and don't make much money. If you make about $30,000.00 a year then, forget it. Because you make enough to pay off like $150.00 a month. Now, here is a positive side to everything, IF you have loans in default you can STILL get a payment plan AND get your loans out of default into forbearance AND go back to school. :-)

Now, if you don't have a bank account, you may need to get one now. Because they require a payment plan with you. Which makes perfect sense since direct loans will be paying off your debt to whichever lender/guarantor holds your loan. And to help you get back into school, this is your option.
I like seeing people feel good about themselves and want them to make it. I know times are hard, and I think this option will make a good outcome.

I want more than anything to get an education and get a car. So I can prove to others that I admired or respected me that this was my plan. I was tired of being ridiculed or criticized for not being persistent.

Speaking of that....

I kept dreaming about him...why? I don't want to dream about him but I feel at peace when I see him in my dreams. I dreamed that we were talking and I brought him Dollop cupcakes. Yep. Dollop Cupcakes are the BEST. And so I got him one with the filling and cream cheese frosting. I miss him I guess and it hurts that he doesn't like me. I feel like I met him somewhere else in my life or another time. I can guarantee if there was indeed another world we would've been dynamic. For example in this world I lost my hearing due to my mother being abusive and neglectful. I can assure you I wasn't born that way and may have had a successful life with confidence and health.

He is on my mind right now even though I am in a relationship. He rejected me for whatever the reasons are and I will just wait until he decides he wants to talk to me. I will never say no to him. I just feel like it would be stupid to do that. You ever think about someone who you feel may have wronged you but...still when you see them you feel love or a sense of warmth inside you that disregards and prevails everything else that was prevaricated and dissipated?

I am getting headache I think I stretched my brain too far today. I just needed to get this off my chest.
I hate dreaming of him. I hate thinking of his smile, his scent I get lost in a trance with my shallow emotions and I feel this high when he enters my subconscious cortex. He was perfect for the moment it lasted.

Filter & The Crystal Method - Trip Like I Do

Another world, another time
In the age of wonder
Another world, another time
This land was green and good
Until the crystal cracked
Once more
They will replenish themselves
Cheat death again
The power of their source
The crystal

The crystal
The crystal
The power of their source
The crystal

Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best

Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best

Uh, I want you to trip like me, I want you to have fun
Me and you
Oh my God this is the best
Uh, I want you to trip like I do

Oh my God

Oh my God this is the best
Oh my God this is the best
I want you to trip like I do

Oh my God

I want you to trip like I do
I want you to trip like I do
I want you to trip like I do

Friday, May 11, 2012

The annoying little person

Just a few more weeks until School starts so in the mean time I am here with nothing to really do except stare at my Computer screen, play DC online or get my school books ready. Have you ever woke up really early and decided to clean your house, or read a book or an article then your annoying BF/GF decides to pop over your Apt/house the crack of ass and their presence just irritates you to no end? And you just wish they find a hobby and just go away? Yeah. That's me.

I am just ANNOYED. I like my peace and quiet when I wake up early and don't want hear whiney voices at 9 in the morning. Hell, he stinks too. Like pure sweat and dirty clothes. His teeth are rotting and signs of periodontal disease, possibly the second stage has started. He smiles and has two teeth missing on both sides of his mouth, which was not pulled out but fell out. It is so disgusting, I am saddened by my poor decision making in continuing to allow him over my house, I hope he has class today! I try to be nice to people but I think I deserve some respect ...I rarely let him kiss me on the mouth. If he does I go wash my mouth, it is so disgusting.

I never dated a guy who let their teeth rot out, I mean missing a tooth is one thing, but even then you can get bridges, or crowns.. Well, I had two root canals and a crown. I am still in need of one crown. My family has periodontal disease but take care of their teeth. I learned my lesson, I do brush everyday and use listerine to prevent decay. So, I look good even with a crown in the back molar, I have another three appointments and hopefully the problems on my end will be resolved. It is the point of GETTING it taken care of.

So now you know when your teeth hurt or feel sensitive it is time for Dentist. I took him to my dentist and he failed to go for appointments. He refuses to take care of himself in any shape or form. He gave me an engagement ring I don't wear it...EVER. I don't want engagement, marriage or any from of familial connection with him. I rather masturbate and adopt animals than even give him the attention he pitifully asks for, he is so good at making you feel guilty for the choices he makes and makes you feel responsible.

I didn't tell him to get cable and NOT pay the bill. He makes me pay for everything. He bought me a TV with a school check he received in January. that was the last payment on anything, he made a guy I really liked turn his back on me and declared me crazy. I met another guy online yesterday...through DCUO and ...I REALLY liked him. comes 'stinky-thunderpants' requesting a group invite for our missions...and of course the guy invited him (he was the group leader). And when I was listening to A's voice and this other guy I couldn't help it but I completely muted A's voice just so I can hear HIS voice....

It was so comforting and yet I don't know what he looks like in real life. I am all about personality and I get all gushy inside for people and that has to stop. I already got hurt by someone and don't need this to happen to me twice. So of course A took over the group mission and kept following me everywhere. Had it not been for me mentioning DCUO he would've never been on the DCUO site. It cost 15 bucks a month. Guess who paid for his share? Me. and then as of this month I told him you pay for your own shit. And so he had Daddy pay for it. I paid for mine, for a three month renewal.

And then he decided to have Daddy pay for his headset which was crappy. And so loud that when-
let's just abbreviate his initials...(F.R)-decided to talk to me A would talk really loud and I asked him to turn down his headset. so during the mission I became annoyed because he just took over. I left the group and his cheesey league. I don't want to be part of A's league. I'm not feeling you like that. I want to be an individual and part o something that matters to me.

I like my privacy and value it. I am not interested in sharing my home with anyone after all the chaos with a sibling and him. I became homeless and during that short time of being homeless I became aware. Very self aware of what needed to be done to assure this doesn't happen again. For starters, I got my place and told myself I will never ever let the same people who cause me chaos into my home again. I realize the people that are cautious of trusting me are the people I need in my life. Why? Because they hold the same values as I be careful.

The ones that just come into my life instantly I see as impulsive. They are reckless and hold no boundary or respect. People who just RUN into everything without slowing down are on the fast lane to destruction, and will destroy everything you worked for without consciously intercepting it.

However, I want a house and pay bills with someone who is responsible and doesn't do drugs and get wasted on the regular. I want someone whom I can travel with (planes are kinda scary for me right now) but car traveling sounds good maybe go to California and go to Comic con like I planned I just don't want to go with A. I rather go alone and then hopefully I'll find other people there to associate with.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Little things I wish for

When my heart feels love I can tell you it is deep. But right now I am wondering what did I do to not deserve it. I hate how beautiful your smile is. I hate not knowing if we will ever see each other again. I miss you and it hurts. But time will only tell when or if you will ever speak to me again.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Updates on the Discrimination of Community Colleges.

I am now in. Took me forever but had to go through the proper channels to assure that my reason was accurate. I am attending school and when I graduate I will leave Rochester as fast as I came here, only faster because by then I'll have a flying car. I just want more out of life than food and sex. I want to get everything myself and not rely on anyone to get it for me. Is that so wrong? Nope. I hope to meet someone who inspires my mind. Ok. nothing else to say I'm going to go now