Beyoncé featuring Sean Paul - Baby Boy ft. Sean Paul

Baby boy, you stay on my mind
Fulfill my fantasies
I think about you all the time
I see you in my dreams

Baby boy, not a day goes by
Without my fantasies
I think about you all the time
I see you in my dreams

Ah, oh, my baby's fly, baby, oh
Yes, no, hurt me so good, baby, oh
I'm so wrapped up in your love; let me go
Let me breathe; stay out my fantasies

Ya ready gimme da ting dat ya ready get ya live
And tell me all about da tings that you will fantasize
I know you dig da way me step da way me make my stride
Follow your feelings, baby girl, because they cannot be denied
Come check me in a night and make we get it amplified
Me have da ting to run da ship 'cause I'm go slip and I'm go slide
And in the words of love I got ta get it certified
But I give you da toughest longest kinda ride, girl

Baby boy, you stay on my mind
Fulfill my fantasies
I think about you all the time
I see you in my dreams

Baby boy, not a day goes by
Without my fantasies
I think about you all the time
I see you in my dreams

Picture us dancin' real close
In a dark dark corner of a basement party
Every time I close my eyes
It's like everyone left but you and me

In our own little world
The music is the sun
The dance floor becomes the sea
Feels like true paradise to me

Baby boy, you stay on my mind
Fulfill my fantasies
I think about you all the time
I see you in my dreams

Baby boy, not a day goes by
Without my fantasies
I think about you all the time
I see you in my dreams

Baby boy, you stay on my mind
Baby boy, you are so damn fine
Baby boy, won't you be mine?
Baby boy, let's conceive an angel

Top, top, girl
Me and you together is a wrap, dat girl
Driving around da town in your drop top, girl
You no stop shock, girl
Little more da dutty, we'll rock dat world

Top, top, girl
Me and you together is a wrap, dat girl
Driving around da town in your drop top, girl
You no stop shock, girl
Little more da dutty, we'll rock dat world

Baby boy, you stay on my mind
Fulfill my fantasies
I think about you all the time
I see you in my dreams

We stepping in hotter this year
We stepping in hotter this year
I know you gon' like it
I know you gon' like it
I'm stepping in hotter this year
I'm stepping in hotter this year
So don't you fight it
So don't you fight it

Finally moving and found a place.

I found a place that is upscale and right next to my College. I was told before I could go there from the rental company but refused due to insecurities and uncertainty. I have been doing fairly well and would like to upgrade myself. I feel like I deserve it I am trying hardi n School but need to try harder. I want to go to university right after this school and so I can put my Diploma on the damn wall and tell people to STFU I went and got an Education. Anyway I am up again tonight anticipated about moving to a quieter place where intellect is all around me. I won't have to worry about going outside and seeing ghetto hood-rats wearing pajama pants smoking weed. Someone told me this used to be an all white apartment complex. 0_0. And they refused to take in black people.

Yeah...about that. 

If it were the case that it was an all white complex well there is a good reason they kept it the way they did. It used to be beautiful and now it is run down. When I moved here it was really pretty. I know people who visited me and told me so. Anyway, further way from Greece and Gates and closer towards Henrietta. I don't want to ever live in the City of Rochester ever again. I will kiss anyone's feet, so I don't have to. I actually live on the border of Rochester and Henrietta. But the line splits it from the Suburbs.

 I purchased a $300.00 entertainment center for the living room since I had all my electronics on top of barstool chairs, how ghetto is that? For awhile I kept buying other things first. Like a winter coat instead of a kitchen table or supplying my sister with money in hopes she'll return the favor later in the month. Yeah fucking right. That is wonderful fairy tale I got fed up with that one and decided I will buy what I need for myself first.  The E.T is really nice,  cherry wood and not made out of plywood like some cheap products. Its huge and has two side shelves separate from the actual entertainment center. Matches the coffee table and the beige corduroy  couches.

 I had a friend who was supposed to help me out with draperies from Egypt. He never managed to send them due to the revolution over there which has been going on since Horus was president and his wife, Isis was first lady. The question remains if I can put the thing together myself because Akin doesn't do well with putting objects together. Always ends up wobbly, he insists he can do it and I explained to him "you need to bring out the drill and make sure all objects are put in its place properly." any signs of distress I am calling it quits and grabbing the drill, God gave me two arms and some tits but if he can't do it better let me hold the pants in the relationship then and have him go bake a damn cake. 

I have a 50" inch 3-D TV that is embedded firmly into the wall-mount so I don't think were in any danger there if for some reason the E.T tilts to the side and collapses. (Just Joking) IF that happens then we know a $300 E.T is cheap nowadays. I will test it out if it looks cheap then I will look for a different brand. I always liked Raymour and Flanigan and interested in some of their products. 

Now for the Rabbits- they have to go. I loved them for awhile, but not anymore. Oh my God I had a memory where my rabbit jumped on M's lap out of nowhere like a cat. :-D I'm laughing to myself because he was like, "OHKAY." Anyway- They're tearing at my carpet and I can't let them do that in my new place. So I have to get rid of them now. I keep trying to see if people want them but no one has answered my ads. So they have to go to a farm. 

Moving out

I decided it is time to move out of this shitty Apartment complex. When I first moved here it was beyond gorgeous. The trees had pink blossoms the grass was so green roads were clean and quiet. Now it is a upheaval mess, They accept DSS/welfare now so all types of people moved in here. I am deviated at the amount of trash found outside.


Here are some pictures of the garbage I am subjected to seeing daily. After Christmas yesterday this was the worse.

And here is another one:

I don't think it is necessary for tenants who pay rent every month to have to suffer like this. But of course we get ignored and have to live with rats coming around. I am done writing this is only upsetting me. I am in the process of looking for a decent place to live. The longer I am black in Rochester, N.Y The more I beginning to see I am not wanted here. 

Monroe Community College hidden complaints.

The statistics of this School being one of  "highest" ratings for Rochester, NY is bologna. This school is known to have high drop out rates, constant students failing the courses due to criticism of the Professors. These Professors are not there to help you graduate to the best, they are there to make sure you fail it brings money into the school. If every student passed its course the school wouldn't have as much money. If you want to go to College you're better off going to an online course or go to another state such as Connecticut they have a good conduct record. I went to High School in CT and did very well. I love Connecticut and seriously hate Rochester, NY. Look around the place is in the slums.

Racism on the Brighton Campus MCC/fuck this life.

I worked hard in my classes and studied exceptionally well in my English course and somehow landed a C+ in that course. How is that even possible when most of my papers were graded with A's and B's? Although towards the middle of the semester I noticed I received two D's on two  of my essays even though I looked at other people's papers and saw similar grades no matter the race. I just get this uneasy feeling I was still targeted because I focused on my work I don't agree with it. I am not going to flip out but I am going to take that course again and probably go to the Damon campus next time. More black people and less snobby white girls there. One thing I can't stand is a snobby white woman. A woman who feels she has "white privilege." 

      I have a long way to go this is just the beginning and I have to work harder maybe my attendance has something to do with it? I missed a few classes I  am not going to do that in the next semester I will bring my grades up and fight hard. Because in these hard times life doesn't have space for failures. I wish I could call Mina and ask him how he did it, but he doesn't even talk to me. One email and then nothing else he doesn't even like me so that would be inadvertently stupid.My emails aren't viewed as welcomed or silently appreciated, No I don't even get that what I got was, "I don't like your emails spamming my inbox." 
       
                  Despite all of that I once wished sometimes we were good friends because he was a level headed guy someone who had common sense and very organized with his thoughts and plans He is the kinda guy you go to for a homemade calendar of how your days should go for the month. Even though I hate him for rejecting me and treated me as an invalid because I suffer from chemical imbalances of the brain...he still has good social skills. Something I lack severely, the more I get around educated people the more I shy away and isolate myself even more.

          I hate being me. I hate having this personality with this dumb body. I hope I die soon because this isn't going well for me. I will never have the life I want no matter how far I get I will never be happy. No man will ever want me except for Akin. Yeah he is all up in this ass but that's it. No level headed guy would enthusiastically  look over at me and think, "she is great!" I love her flabby body, her kinky hair and her roller-coaster emotions and distorted mind and her wonderful lisp and speed talking! Sounds like she is running for the marathon, I love it!" Yeah...NO.

This life was picked out of a box of trash and handed to me to have. I came out ass first to the world because this life was shitty and I knew it. So if people worship satan you got to wonder why. Because God is an infliction of a fairy. He may not be answering me but I may be answering myself. He doesn't love me he despises me because he shows me this every day by reminding me of my birthmother and giving me this stupid body with many illnesses. I can't have kids every other month I think I am pregnant, I have no Father no relatives to go to for the Holidays. I have a twin who is an addict and likes to use me. So YEAH where is the love? The moment I was born I was nothing. No one in this life has ever truly loved me as a person for being who I am it seems like its better to be fake and unusual. I don't care about "god's laws." he violated mine! He violated me when he allowed strangers to molest me as a baby and not take the time to protect me. In this world we live in science and in science this is normal for men to crave innocent pseudo sexual children they crave the idea that they can mold an innocent to their sexual biddings. And so it lives on and so will murder and trade. The only sin in this world is believing in this "bible" that takes over the minds of the world. If god can give children to rapist(human trafficking have dozens of babies) and child porn and sweatshops then I know my lack of having children is just as evil as those who rape them and disregard them. funny how the system allows only wealthy to do people adopt children because that is also part of the human trafficking world. fuck america.

R.I.T my next goal

I know it is late, 1:33am to be exact but I couldn't sleep when my stomach hurts and the fear of being pregnant keeps creeping up on me. I don't want to be pregnant again and I love sex but the idea that I could be kinda terrifies me. I took the test negative big relief until the pregnancy symptoms didn't disappear and left me with other fears like Cervical cancer or Ovarian cancer. However I noticed that big swollen breast isn't one of the noticeable symptoms in Cervical or ovarian cancers. But it is noticeable in pseudocyesis I keep telling myself, "you're NOT pregnant!" And yet...that nagging pressure and lower back pain just won't stop. I will go to the Doctor tomorrow and why the fuck does Blogger keep changing my font setting within every sentence stupid retards.

         Anyway, I was told my breast were heavier like logs, and that can still be a symptom of pregnancy. I had an Ectopic a few years back so I think that kinda stuck with me but we will see if i am indeed pregnant, kudos to me, but this guy named Mina from Egypt is supposed to visit me this summer coming up (not HIM...a different dude) And I don't know how he is going to feel knowing I may be knocked up. Yeah, he might not like that too much, he is definitely sexy. But...he has a kid and tries to lie but its better that he has some hot secret keeps me guessing. Then again, I never know he may think preggo women are hot, hot, hot! I want to cook right now, I want to make chicken gravy with dumplings mashed potatoes, cornbread and a cold salad. I can make my own dumplings. Fried or boiled...don't matter.

Anyway I have a headache my tv is blaring because I don't want to hear my stalker coming to my window. sometimes I don't like being alone I like to snuggle and feel appreciated and safe. Why do I keep sleeping with akin. He wont let go and honestly I don't know anyone who fights for me the way he does. Most people I have met in my life are douche bags and don't even care about me because I don't have long legs and a petite body and live a comfortable lifestyle if I had long hair and perfect speech with a beautiful bank account and confidence men would swoon over me like they do to Rihanna and other celebrities. Anyway Akin doesn't live with me and I don't know what else to do. I haven't met anyone else since two summers ago. I refuse to try again because of the commentaries that were spiteful and negative however I like a bad boy type, I've never done good with goody goody guys. I like my men to be strong and dominant I just wonder if I'll ever get that 'crush feeling' for a guy like I did awhile ago.

I am really tired today I finished my last final from the looks of it I did pretty good. (saw other people bubbled in the same answers when I brought my test up) I tried to focus and don't know if friendships will ever happen with me and others. I am thirty-two ears old, and if I was meant to have friends it would've happened years ago. I just gave up on it. I only focus on school and if I meet people who are my type I will try and hang out but it never works out. I don't get text messages or phone calls from people because I don't feel a connection I feel tired from trying. I just gave up. I am lonely but no one takes the time to reach out so I don't either. Anyway, RIT is my next goal. Goodnight I am beyond exhausted and its making me angry.

Usher - Climax

Going nowhere fast. We’ve reached the climax.
Were together now we’re undone.
Won’t commit so we choose to run away.
Do we separate?
Don’t wanna give in so we both gave up.
Can’t take it back. It’s too late.
We’ve reached the climax, climax.

I've fallen somehow, feet off the ground
Love is the cloud that keeps raining down.
Where are you now? When I need you around
I'm on my knees but it seems we're

Going nowhere fast. We’ve reached the climax.
Were together now we’re undone.
Won’t commit so we choose to run away.
Do we separate?
Don’t wanna give in so we both gave up.
Can’t take it back. It’s too late.
We’ve reached the climax, climax.

I gave my best, it wasn't enough
You get upset, we argue too much
We made a mess of what used to be love.
So why do I care, I care at all, at all, at all, at all

Going nowhere fast. We’ve reached the climax.
Were together now we’re undone.
Won’t commit so we choose to run away.
Do we separate?
Don’t wanna give in so we both gave up.
Can’t take it back. It’s too late.
We’ve reached the climax, climax.

You say it’s better if we love each other separately.
I just need you one more time
I can’t get what we had off my mind,
Where are you now? When I need you around
I'm on my knees but it seems we're...

Going nowhere fast. We’ve reached the climax.
Were together now we’re undone.
Won’t commit so we choose to run away.
Do we separate?
Don’t wanna give in so we both gave up.
Can’t take it back. It’s too late.
We’ve reached the climax, climax.

Pillars of the Community/Verizon/pretentious bastards/bloggers indenting not to my preference.

     It is only 8:45am in the morning, one more final tomorrow and I am free for 5 weeks. What I am going to do for five weeks is beyond me. Anyway I am here to bitch this morning to my lovely blog. 

              1. Preferences on Blogger:
       
                        The indenting on this blog is bullshit. Unless I don't know how to use the indent settings that may be why. I want to write in a 1.5 spacing and no option to do so. I like to begin my paragraphs with the option to space into the margin and cannot do it. It looks clobbered and claustrophobic when I begin writing. I am sure there is a way I just need to look into it. 


          2. Verizon: 
                          
                    I am tired of Verizon screwing me over every month. My bill should be 103 dollars and some odd cents. No more no less. They come up with ways to fuck you in the ass like m bill is $166.97. How the hell did that happen? I didn't use any extra minutes, services, purchase any credits for any social sites, didn't order porn etc, etc. So, somehow they say things like hidden fees and extra fees of lovely unicorn shit. I am tired of their magic tricks, keep pulling Benjamins out of a long black hat called, scams and frivolous lies.

3. Pretentious bastards:


                                 We live in a society where everyone wants to financially successful and completely independent or act like they are. Those things bother me to no end, why? Because the potential to be pretentious is negatively nerve racking. A person who is pretentious has no morals nor do they care of others. They only think of how many dollars they racked up in their lives and feel they are a Pillar of the community by distributing themselves into charity locations not to help others but to make themselves known and hope to have others less fortunate then themselves to flock to them and worship them. Whenever these pretentious dick-faces donate money it is a tax write off at the end of the year so they get it all back plus some. For example, Beyonce made 152 million dollars last year. Really?! I thought this Economy was in a deficit?! How is it that the people of society, regular working class folks always bitch and moan at the people who receive SSD/SSI income saying were putting a "hole" in the economies pockets? How is that we get blamed for everything? So let me break it down for people to understand:

Pretentious bastards: Beyonce, Ricki lake (met her, what a cunt) Donald Trump(he takes the cake)..etc...

Potential pretentious bastards: Middle/upper middle class  who have kids or themselves  and like to play the  blame- game on the poverty stricken people for the deviant flaws of society. Not really caring to get an education on economics and social strategies and statistics. In my personal opinion I think a vast majority of those who  do go online and whine and complain about Social security being handed out are stay at home moms who have hard working husbands. 

                
     Not too many individuals get the idea that enslavement is what Americans do. Day in and day out people get up at 5am get ready for work and start the day of a repetitive workforce. People who want to be the boss or work next to the CEO of their entrepreneurs and  will stomp all over their co-workers just to get that bonus at work. No time for happiness or relaxation, no time to enjoy the new house you bought because every day you're off working with no stability of getting to know yourself. Depression is common among families because you're out chasing an imaginary dream. Not everyone can be a rockstar or a basketball player. Most of society has to earn their wealth by enslaving themselves. And  by the time you're 45 years old you're still living that imaginary dream, because taxes and surcharges of Unicorn shit kept you down. All these fees for everything is what keeps people from being rich. Even after you die the tax collectors will put the debt on to the next of kin. And so your family is screwed.

The wealthy maybe makes up 2% of the population and so the rest is just scrambling to make ends meet. Now, the thing I really don't like is how people feel they're better than those who wish not to race for that type of lifestyle. Some people rather keep their dignity and peace. Some don't care to know what its like to have diamond glass dishes and fancy houses. I personally don't, I like to have a small house, yes. Because it will something of mine to have a family in. Other than that, I am not asking for a miracle. Because it will only lead to stress and loss of your conscience. People stop caring about others and fixate themselves on what they want instead of caring for those around them. This is the problem with America we are universally controlling and not caring of others we take what we want and smile in peoples faces and the things people do when they work in places like tax finances and the IRS. They are some cold-hearted bastards calling you and calling you harassing you for a small amount of money and knowing damn well you don't have it they just don't care.

           So I rather not work and I rather just live my life the best I can. In other parts of the world people still use sticks and stones to hunt and have large families and live in peace. Some prefer not to mix in with technology and just live out their lives the way they want. What about those upper class middlemen who have offspring that are not as successful as their parents what are they considered? Oh right, let's get into that.

    Sometimes parents and families who work full time in a career type status have children who don't really want to live that lifestyle like their parents but do it because of the social standards pressed upon them to do so and fear of being disinherited they oblige to these regulations and eventually they become brainwashed. And or they're just comfortable living off their parents and want to keep their nose upwards towards everyone else and say they hate their lives it sucks and yet they enjoy picking on other people who don't have the same social standards as them. 

Stalker status. In full swing!

This lady I met where I live is a nut-job and is stalking me hardcore. She banged on my window tonight and tried to disguise her voice and said, "Helloww". and I knew it was her. As I was writing this it happened several times so I called the cops. I am not interested in her whatsoever and when I told my sister about she said, she probably can see into your Apartment. I am thinking to myself, I was wanking off earlier, oh my god...ew! It's different if it is someone who just peeks but this bitch is like on me for no good reason  I don't like her and never will. I was tired and ready for bed, I want to go to sleep in my room but she will probably come back. Scary ass bitch. She had other women telling her to leave them alone and she is crazy. So I am going to leave it at that. 

Michael Jackson - You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone"

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

But you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone

'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

you are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone...
Not alone ohh
You are not alone
You are not alone
Say it again
You are not alone
You are not alone
Not alone, Not alone
If you just reach out for me girl
In the morning, in the evening
Not alone, not alone
You and me not alone
Oh together together
Not not being alone
Not not being alone

The truth about it all

I have mentioned A before in my Blogs on how much he aggravates me to high heaven but truth be told he has been here for me even though I do want to try and love someone else. I am never 100% fulfilled on love and when I do find someone I become attracted to, I keep thinking, is it worth it? Trying all over again with someone new who may not offer me the same things he has? I begin to add up the number of things off the top of my head on why logically it would be a good idea to cut ties with him and start anew. But, then he does the small things that others don't care to do. Like when I am broke, he comes through. And I try to sometimes deal with being broke and try to find ways to earn more money for the things I like or want. I need a job. Point blank I need to work and earn an income that won't leave me broke for days. I can live on 1,930.00 a month and still have money left over to pay bills and other items of my choice. If I worked, I could travel to Canada and go to social outings without asking for a handout from him and wouldn't feel guilty taking it when I need it. Then maybe from there I can stop making excuses for why I feel like why settling with him is the right idea for me and start looking for the guy I want. I try being humble and saying, "Yes he is right because no one else wants me." But in actuality is my stupid low self esteem that keeps trickling in my subconscious implementing this type of insecure crap.

But then a part of me says I don't want to work. I want to hustle the system to get my needs met and for allowing me to have such a fucked up childhood. I only have $70.00 rent, I pocket well over a $1,000.00 in SS income and last but not least I get a refund from school worth over 4 thousand every three months and I pay my interest off so I don't run out of money. I like it this way, but for how long will this game last? I need to strategies and a new lifestyle that makes it worth living. I don't want to be with bottom feeders anymore, I want to  get out of the low class category. But really who cares, right? I kinda like my crazy friends who go through the same shit and I like those who are comfortable living in a small house governed by Section 8 or some type of rental assistance program. If I had parents I live with them instead of relying on any services.

Wind, wind tick, tick...my successions/liar,liar/

 One week of school and I am very glad to be taking a break but at this age I want to do more. Like work and earn an honest income, but the problem is I like to have my own money. And I don't like working for others, I don't think I could survive being someone's Donkey...anyway back to the subject at hand; I passed all my classes, I am the boss. Yes, I am. I love English however, I have flaws in my grammar so next semester I will work on that. I have a problem with sentencing structuring, run-in sentences, fragments I cannot fail this. I am going to be dynamic I want to be envied, worshipped and craved. I want men to want me for my intelligence and wits. 

Also, anyone who reads this blog- (According to Google statistics, 110,000 views Thanks!!)-
Have you ever attended College and love going to your classes and then the Semester ends and you end up taking news classes so now you can't pass that hot red head every morning to Biology? Yeah there is this one handsome middle eastern guy every morning he passes me and he smells good...I asked him once where he was from..guess? Egypt  even though I don't want to admit it, that's all it took was that one time for me to be hooked. Even though A gets in like a boss, I can't help to wonder how hot it would've been if we ... never-mind. I gave up along time ago...Yes, M is my inspiration to be like him. 


For the spring semester I am going reach for the prize, before I continue with my futuristic  successes I have a neighbor who is a lesbian butch and she wanted me, feisty leo she is. Well, I wanted her too until she started doing weird shit like letting her Dog eat off her fork while sitting at my Dinner table during Thanksgiving. The fuck? and saying turn off things like she doesn't getting horny and um...let's her dog lay in her bed while she has sex. So, it may seem perverted but I think she is having sex with her dog. Also, her hygiene seemed a bit off...like feet odor. Yep. I don't do well with vinegar scented socks and or feet. Yeah, I like to avoid that smell at all cost since my Adenoids are no longer inside my nasal skull I tend to smell things a bit more than others. She fed her dog a dinner I prepared for her and trust me it was very delicious, Hello-I'm FAT so of course I can cook. I made gravy with dumplings and turkey with rice and corn. She gave my food to her fucking dog. I love animals but um I am not going to give them diarrhea and let them eat off my fork and then put the same fork in my mouth. 

The debate in School:
For my English class we had a project based on separate debates and mine was, "Free MCC parking" VS. No to Free MCC Parking. Whoopee-doo. Anyway, I took it seriously and really wanted to persuade the pubescent -Judges that mostly contained of, horny, hormonal -eighteen- year olds. I had the statistics and all the accurate information to win the debate. I had to stand in front of the class to do this. I hated it. And well this young female with doggy like characteristics decided to fabricate her statistics which is a no- go on the rules of the debate. And she won based on her stupidity and big breast. This is bullshit. I had revenge. LOL. I proved to the Professor those three amigos had lied The professor didn't know what to say only that she gave them all F's.  

 I take my English courses seriously, it is one of my passions and so I dislike people who try to outrun me based on manipulation and not on honesty and hard work. I understand controversy is a part of life and apparently I am not good at losing. But when you lose a debate based on someone cheating their way to falsify the truth then it is not right. 
I went to the Public Safety building and conducted a ten minute interview with the Coordinator of MCC parking she told me you cannot interview any of her staff only her because she doesn't want the wrong information being handed out she rather be held responsible. So she was THE boss but I liked it because it gave me balance on how much information will be given out if the other team decides to push their way in, in which she claims she did but it was incorrect and false. She said and I quote, "70,000 students have parking passes at MCC." I said, "WHAT? No way"! I have the statistics. Only 16,000 students attend MCC right now and only 500 parking slots available. She pulled those statistics out of her ass. And yet the old English professor did nothing. I disliked this girl I went so far to remove her off of my Facebook, and her side kick. 

I don't like how some individuals  pretend to be surreal about shit and swear their lives are peculiar like on Facebook or in groups of people but then on the side they're pretending to be genuine about the truths of their lives to me only because I am that way. I've learned going through different types of people in such a short amount of time, people are full of shit. They will say whatever comes to mind just to appease you or to sound good. That's why a lot of liars are politicians because they are good at bullshitting their way to the top. They know how to take a visual of a  dirty bum and make it seem like it is the best thing you ever saw. 

I like the truth. Give it to me like were having sweaty, hardbodied, sex. why? Because it makes me think. It makes me analyze myself and what people tell me however, I am usually sarcastic or rude to people who act as I mentioned above in the last paragraph. I am fixated on moving to the next step, I like analysis of the mind I love to view things from different perspectives and if I am wrong I need to get the facts on why I am wrong. I have had people not answer my questions when they say I am wrong about something, to me it is not a statement but more of an insult.

 If someone says I am wrong and can clarify on why they think I am wrong about a particular situation or subject then it becomes either an injunction or a statement based on their opinion. And so we go from there and converse or debate on it. I don't like halfway communications it drives me crazy! And so I just don't talk to people who can't converse. I do get temperamental however I have learned to sustain it just not completely and I like to win. I am a bit of a bully and so it does rub off wrong to others. 

I want a man who is the same to me only in a  male version. I like to have the least amount of flaws in my genetic make-up, how do I correct it? A lot of males like to mate with women who are like themselves least like to have genetic non factors such as mutation, illnesses that can pass on to the next generation. Or the obesity gene, I want to end that I already made it clear that my children will have a strict diet and I will stick to it. Being obese is not fun nor does it get you any confidence it can ruin your sex drive, self esteem in school you will not be liked very much. Men want sexy women, even obese men look at those hot women and vice versa. However in my personal opinion I've never found ripped guys attractive. I don't like men who want bulges everywhere, I like my men stocky and chunky or even fat. Yeah. It's alright to me. 

That type of sex.

At 32 years of age I am realizing I need more sex with my partner but it isn't happening. I haven't been with another person since two summers ago. I am now ready to find someone on the side with whom I can meet with once a week. Just for sex and maybe a good friendship, I didn't think I could before but now I can. It would be on weekends only because I can't do it during the week, I have classes and too  many things going on at once. So it would be someone who I can trust and in return I can please him, I need to be able to look into your eyes and feel a connection.

I can't just hop into bed with someone without knowing if we click. If I am going to be the other woman I need to get to know you. No secrets with me, just straight up honesty. I admit I am dating and happy at times, I get lonely and would like someone like myself. I don't do well with uppity type of men, who are hypersensitive to everything. I met a guy like that, and everything out of his mouth was degrading. So, it didn't work out because he was hooked on his ex. Yet wanted FWB without me getting any pleasure.

I've never had a quickie as what that quickie was...if you get it. I don't want five minutes I want a good hour and maybe dinner at a diner. I love diners, and I hate fancy restaurants or set up dates it drives me nuts. I like concerts but with other people I know. I am sort of introvert and like it that way. I guess I'm going to keep on dreaming because most guys who want this typ of thing want to be in control and set the rules.

Also, I'm kinda weird. I don't really have many friends because people just annoy the shit out of me with their Zombie-like ways. Idiots. Not too many people are different, most people act the same way with their snobby tones and know it all atitudes so it turns me off from any possibility of finding a mature man or woman. The idea of meeting someone completely unique from me is exciting, someone like myself but it never happens. I am easily misunderstood and I don't feel like changing myself to better someone else's statistics of me. how about people who categorize me in a specific section based on my living situation or color of skin? Then my sexual desires are interrupted by constant mental fuckery of insecurities.

Most people who sleep with others or cheat are high on something or drinking all the time. I can't drink because I am on metformin so drinking is not happening. I have homework gotta go. bye.

A moment of sex want to be the other woman

Today I am just laying here in my bed horny thinking about becoming a slut. Yes. A slut. I am busy with school and getting my car soon but I don't have time for long relationships I'm tired of looking for that fairytale dream of the right guy in the suburbs who sweeps me off my feet and bangs my brains out, impregnates me and we have a family. I am 32 years old, I have PCOS and my chances of reproducing are fairly slim. I have given up the fact of being a mother and decided that its time for me to just enjoy sex, and forget the child rearing venues for now. I am looking for a married man, who has lived that life. Someone who has kids but wants to experience a black or ethnic woman for intimacy. I want to meet a guy who loves to give women orgasms and may be perverted has a lot of freaky roles that doesn't shame him. Not into tying up or anything ...or maybe I would. I haven't tried it and haven't established trust to do so. I like the whole mental thrill of being with someone else's lover. I want him thrusting in me while his wife is home tending to her duties...kinda messed up, right? Well things in life are more messed up like how these beautiful white women get all the love and kids so I want to taste your husband's cock and feel the love too. I want of lots orgasms while riding him pretending for a quick second we're married and those are our kids laying outside while mommy and daddy get it in like bosses. Or maybe I'll imagine how I am a wet cumslut while you watch us do it so nasty. I'll smirk at you while he thrusts lustfully deep inside of me. 

some other stuff

I wrote about Kris a week or so ago and the blog didn't make sense because I was so stressed out and tired. Well for starters, I passed BOTH of my midterms, despite this dyke- cunt -fucking rubbing me the wrong way. No pun intended. Anywho, Kris was a lesbian with whom I liked awhile ago and she used me for money. I never got the money back as promised because she is white trash. And why and how do I know? Well her sister spilled the beans on her. And proved that  Kristie does not live in a house, when in fact she lives in a broken down trailer in central city, Syracuse. Not a nice trailer either, but one that you see in the movies. The ones that have heroin addicts, pedophiles dog lovers those types. I got over her, I wanted this blog to be the last one about her. I don't like seeing her face nor do I care to reciprocate or reminisce anything. It was so long ago and none of it matters, the only people I would speak about are M, A, F, M...Those are about it. Only if the time is right, I am laying here butt naked writing this blog and is kinda making me feel gross because I don't like Kristie and the mistake I made was far greater than any other bad decisions I have ever made so the idea of her repulses me. Goodnight, I am exhausted. I have to get up tomorrow I am cooking baked chicken, stuffing, mac n cheese sweet potato pie (from scratch) cranberry sauce and ....cornbread with a large salt n vinegar salad with diced tomatoes. Yummmmy I love food I love couscous too! I miss NYC and the haalal food at the corners yogurt sauce with chicken over rice...yum yum...I am going to NYC for New Year's. And maybe for my resolution I'll totally get a booty call with a palestinian guy they are damn hot.

The Tiny person inside your head

You know life has been really good to me lately, it seems like every time something happens in my life symmetrically I'll watch a show or see an ad and it reflects the current situation. For example, today in my English class we had a Debate presentation and mine was based on "free MCC parking." I was the team going for it, and the opposing team totally lost. Why? Because they didn't focus on the statistics and those statistics were the key element in the subject. When you want something you have to focus on the subject at hand and then release it to the opposer with a slap in the face. I spoke fast, but sturdy and focused on what needed to be said. And I won. I'm confident in my work and know what I was talking about.

I recorded my favorite show, The Big Bang Theory and watched it tonight and it was about a Debate between Sheldon Cooper and Howard Wolowitz And the parking space Sheldon was assigned to but not using because he doesn't drive. It was so interesting to see how my life has unfolded in a positive way. And how the negative things don't matter anymore since internet is just entertainment and not reality so when you argue online it is useless and can become an addiction. So now I rarely come on here, I don't search for 'old flames' or people I admired or was once close to. Because those people didn't make it to my future for a reason.

Anyway I am typing quite fast because I have a Cumulative Assessment due on my ASL class by the end of this week and my semester is almost over and that will be in two weeks! I am so excited for The holiday, five whole weeks without "A" up my ass looking to see who is making me happy. Even though he protects me from psychos let me tell you I have people knock on my window and weird phone calls sometimes. I am not a puppet for people to admire and twiddle with. anyway, I don't care I just ignore people now. It's easier to do that than to worry. I made a few friends from my classes let's see if I can keep them in my life. This will be a test to myself at 32 years old.