I know it is late, 1:33am to be exact but I couldn't sleep when my stomach hurts and the fear of being pregnant keeps creeping up on me. I don't want to be pregnant again and I love sex but the idea that I could be kinda terrifies me. I took the test negative big relief until the pregnancy symptoms didn't disappear and left me with other fears like Cervical cancer or Ovarian cancer. However I noticed that big swollen breast isn't one of the noticeable symptoms in Cervical or ovarian cancers. But it is noticeable in pseudocyesis I keep telling myself, "you're NOT pregnant!" And yet...that nagging pressure and lower back pain just won't stop. I will go to the Doctor tomorrow and why the fuck does Blogger keep changing my font setting within every sentence stupid retards.
Anyway, I was told my breast were heavier like logs, and that can still be a symptom of pregnancy. I had an Ectopic a few years back so I think that kinda stuck with me but we will see if i am indeed pregnant, kudos to me, but this guy named Mina from Egypt is supposed to visit me this summer coming up (not HIM...a different dude) And I don't know how he is going to feel knowing I may be knocked up. Yeah, he might not like that too much, he is definitely sexy. But...he has a kid and tries to lie but its better that he has some hot secret keeps me guessing. Then again, I never know he may think preggo women are hot, hot, hot! I want to cook right now, I want to make chicken gravy with dumplings mashed potatoes, cornbread and a cold salad. I can make my own dumplings. Fried or boiled...don't matter.
Anyway I have a headache my tv is blaring because I don't want to hear my stalker coming to my window. sometimes I don't like being alone I like to snuggle and feel appreciated and safe. Why do I keep sleeping with akin. He wont let go and honestly I don't know anyone who fights for me the way he does. Most people I have met in my life are douche bags and don't even care about me because I don't have long legs and a petite body and live a comfortable lifestyle if I had long hair and perfect speech with a beautiful bank account and confidence men would swoon over me like they do to Rihanna and other celebrities. Anyway Akin doesn't live with me and I don't know what else to do. I haven't met anyone else since two summers ago. I refuse to try again because of the commentaries that were spiteful and negative however I like a bad boy type, I've never done good with goody goody guys. I like my men to be strong and dominant I just wonder if I'll ever get that 'crush feeling' for a guy like I did awhile ago.
I am really tired today I finished my last final from the looks of it I did pretty good. (saw other people bubbled in the same answers when I brought my test up) I tried to focus and don't know if friendships will ever happen with me and others. I am thirty-two ears old, and if I was meant to have friends it would've happened years ago. I just gave up on it. I only focus on school and if I meet people who are my type I will try and hang out but it never works out. I don't get text messages or phone calls from people because I don't feel a connection I feel tired from trying. I just gave up. I am lonely but no one takes the time to reach out so I don't either. Anyway, RIT is my next goal. Goodnight I am beyond exhausted and its making me angry.
Anyway, I was told my breast were heavier like logs, and that can still be a symptom of pregnancy. I had an Ectopic a few years back so I think that kinda stuck with me but we will see if i am indeed pregnant, kudos to me, but this guy named Mina from Egypt is supposed to visit me this summer coming up (not HIM...a different dude) And I don't know how he is going to feel knowing I may be knocked up. Yeah, he might not like that too much, he is definitely sexy. But...he has a kid and tries to lie but its better that he has some hot secret keeps me guessing. Then again, I never know he may think preggo women are hot, hot, hot! I want to cook right now, I want to make chicken gravy with dumplings mashed potatoes, cornbread and a cold salad. I can make my own dumplings. Fried or boiled...don't matter.
Anyway I have a headache my tv is blaring because I don't want to hear my stalker coming to my window. sometimes I don't like being alone I like to snuggle and feel appreciated and safe. Why do I keep sleeping with akin. He wont let go and honestly I don't know anyone who fights for me the way he does. Most people I have met in my life are douche bags and don't even care about me because I don't have long legs and a petite body and live a comfortable lifestyle if I had long hair and perfect speech with a beautiful bank account and confidence men would swoon over me like they do to Rihanna and other celebrities. Anyway Akin doesn't live with me and I don't know what else to do. I haven't met anyone else since two summers ago. I refuse to try again because of the commentaries that were spiteful and negative however I like a bad boy type, I've never done good with goody goody guys. I like my men to be strong and dominant I just wonder if I'll ever get that 'crush feeling' for a guy like I did awhile ago.
I am really tired today I finished my last final from the looks of it I did pretty good. (saw other people bubbled in the same answers when I brought my test up) I tried to focus and don't know if friendships will ever happen with me and others. I am thirty-two ears old, and if I was meant to have friends it would've happened years ago. I just gave up on it. I only focus on school and if I meet people who are my type I will try and hang out but it never works out. I don't get text messages or phone calls from people because I don't feel a connection I feel tired from trying. I just gave up. I am lonely but no one takes the time to reach out so I don't either. Anyway, RIT is my next goal. Goodnight I am beyond exhausted and its making me angry.
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