It's only a tickle in the mind

One time, two times then maybe three. I only have one place to be. The fury so deep only one way to know if its steep. Look behind, look forward. Once together, once apart. Laying low in my heart I depart. little girl run away, see him grab you, devour you whole. Look down below and you will see
The demons playing in me.

Laughing now, crying later. Look at me and look at you. sticking my fist deep inside your soul. I laugh at you while you bleed. oh look! oh look! I did succeed! raping you, raping you deep inside me. I look in the mirrors shadows of glee playing so dummy of me. You like the clowns? They like you. Yes little me, they want too. Oh look, you like it so wet so dirty of you! Please, please don't scream, it makes you pee so it seems.

Ripping you to shreds every night, moan for me, not for them. Yes, sweet one, you are unclean.

So many changes, made new friends, found a new love

I am happier now then I have been over the years. A lot has happened since the last time I came on here.I met Ali who is a woman I met in foster care. I am in love and unsure. She loves me and through her I met others who accepted me as I am. Trust is a big factor for me and I need to gather it and understand it. 

My sister and I had a falling out and it may be more permanent this time. She has done a lot to me that no one should have done. I gave up things in sacrifice for her happiness. She is someone I never would trust again.When things fall apart I am the one she goes to and I don't mind that but being alone with her brings me sadness and great turmoil.

I left Akin for good. We speak from time to time I don't make him a priority when I was only his essential outlet for sexual servitude. I am happy to admit I am a Lesbian. And nothing can change that. I never really appreciated men in a bonding retrospect. 

Shonta ...boy that ex is definitely an Ex for a reason. I tried to reach out she is pregnant with some mans love child and honestly, her lifestyle is different from me. I am not interested in that type of life. 

I am Wicaan, I found a circle of people with whom I appreciate. And will never change it for the world.



I miss one friend from NYC more than anything and I hope she is well and is loved. I always felt she was a sister to me and is also Wicaan at heart she doesn't know it yet. I wish I met her and the baby. 

I will moving from CT to DE. Yes, it's my destiny. 

Going to see someone

Not sure if I am making the right choices. I mean, what if I don't like what I see? I saw before and was not interested. I am fat but...I don't know about being with a big woman. We'll see how this goes. I just don't know if it's what I want.

I kinda feel like ...No? 

I was in my head the whole time.

What am I sorry for?

How am I sorry when you let your 12 yr old kid ride his bike at midnight strolling through the ghettos of Enfield. CPS came to your house because you lack maternal extinct. What kind of mother goes out all hours of every night to dress like a skank and leaves her two boys to fend for themselves?

Fuck you Chrissy and your lack of morality. You lack the ability to speak up for yourself and your relationships. You lack the ability to love and conquer what you want. I got over your teeth-less ass. I am so glad I see through the smoke with your mental instability. I am not sorry. You fuck your mother and lay in the same bed with her. Nastiness. You like smelling like dirty clothes and lacking personal hygiene.

It's accurate. It's 100% truth. 

I am trying to get my thoughts in order and I think I did just that. I don't care for the trilogy in your Schwartz household. Moving on. moving on. 

Over-zealous spending consequences

Affording things and wanting things are two different things. I can not imagine what it is like to be living in a place that is not your own. 

Anyway, blogs are not fun. they're isolative and poignant. So good-bye while I finish my excel project and set up time to go meet my friends this coming week. I Love Connecticut. I don't know why I left. I really disliked Rochester. I mean, a fat brown man thought he was god and used me for his personal usage and had his nose in the air when his gray sagging draws looked like they were inhaling a cigarette from his flat camel-niggered ass.

Then, I had crazy A...and his antics and neurotic conversations. That blew me into a deep depression where I isolated my mind into obsessing over cleaning and getting the hell out of Rochester. I got my car, and my new place and here I am...

I tried it out with Chrissy, but her psychotic sister, got in between our relationship so I called CPS when her son randomly ended up with a serious head gash and S claimed he fell off his bike. But this was near midnight right after she DEMANDED Chrissy and her mother come home to attend to her. Somehow in the mix of things Chrissy told me she and her mother had sex. And from there on in I was crawling with eeebies- jeebies and serious abandonment issues.

But somehow I was cut off based on the one email I send S in reference to Chrissy's incestuous dilemma. Instead of working it out she cut me off. I flipped the fuck out. Yes. I did. I felt enraged, here she was sleeping with her mama and I was to blame? I couldn't take it anymore. I let Chrissy have it via text. She said to me the next day she was cutting me off and then no more messages. 

I called CPS out of spite. Yes. I do low-blows too. 

So that ended. over. and crossing the new bridge now. Hopefully I won't burn the bridge while my ass is still on it.

Not sure if this is a face up or a face down

Not trying with her anymore. Leads me to a brickwall. I am smoking cigarettes and weed again. fuck it.

Crazy fucking neighbors.

I have these neighbors who moved in. Last name is Santana so I should already know what type of people they were going to be. I am so tired. I was up late doing my Exam and waking up early to this shit. I mean these people are banging and pounding and making all types of fucking noise. Sounds like they're remodeling the bathroom. 

Crazy nutcases. Straight up and down. 

So I called the MGMT office. So let's see if they give a flying fuck. 
If not well then I don't either and will fling shit on their car. How about that?