I am Congested beyond repair, I have had this cold since Wednesday. I really hate my Sister. Yes. She is so unsanitary she smokes cigarettes and does weed she has an addiction.So she passes that blunt with everybody and so I end up getting sick because she caught a cold and drank off of things around the house and so now I am sick. I HATE COLDS. I hate how one side of your nostrils swells up and you can't taste anything in your foods. Fuck, if it is spoiled you wouldn't know until you're in the toilet shitting out water.
I hate how I have to breathe out of my mouth because my nostrils are rendered useless. The fuck. I hate having to shower when I'm sick, I love showering just not when I'm sick. I also hate the nasal drip and the itching of the ear canal and having to make this weird throat noise to scratch it, makes it sound almost like an "animalistic" grunting.Oh, and I hate how I am already hearing impaired and my head is congested so is my ears. So hearing anything is next to impossible.
When people call me it sounds funny far away with an irritation to my ears. I can't hear the TV, I already have it to 32 on the Volume, now it is at 54. I know people around my building are like, "This bitch needs a new hearing aid." Anyway, Yeah my sister is unsanitary, she likes to swap spit with different people I guess she is so lonely so she rather have antibodies of viral horseshit floating in her infectious body of flaming pus. I really really hate her guts. I despise her for the trouble she caused me, she told my soon to be ex...one day I'll break him off.
Anyway, She knows I have an infatuation for this guy who doesn't even acknowledge my existence, she told my BF about how I like the way his hair smells and how I like his personality and blah blah blah....I'm like, "Bitch, you live in a broken down storefront and have neighbors/sidekicks who bathe out of buckets and smell like dead zoo animals you never finished college and fight and steal from people. And you want to try and blow me up on an innocent causality?
I have goals and plans and will get those goals! I know what I want and will fight to get it. I do have deep feelings for M. I always will. He was not some 'cheapshot bootycall' he was seriously someone I would've wanted as a friend or kept in my speeddial log whenever he wanted to see me I would've been there. I really appreciate his friendship and to lose it was extremely devastating for me. So to hear this cheap bitch talk ill of my accomplishments and passions just made me realize exactly what I was up against. I wanted to be with a man I felt was my equal or can bring me up in this world.
I know in my heart he thinks of me, I hope fondly. If not, then I must be some really evil person that no one can seem to understand. What is it about me that leads people to think I am not worthy? I have done everything I should do without bringing other people with me. I keep my personal issues to myself and fight them on my own in anyway I can. I do accept gifts from A. And that is what upset M. And I did not want to hurt him, AFTER he hurt me with the, "I don't want to see you again" I felt my chest filled with pain of knowing how those words could be so true. I really want him, in every way. I wish somehow things could be different. I wish I could just see him again and tell him how I really feel he brings that out of me he makes me feel like I have some serious changing to do and no one has EVER had that kind of hold on me. I am a dark person at heart, but yet I love deeply and in my own way. I don't really know how else I am suppose to be I don't know what passion he endures. Love is a good thing and I wish I could show him that.
He said some negative things about me and I am unsure if he meant it or if he was just extremely deviated by my words and actions. I will never know because he won't tell me. He will not converse me negative nor positive, it leads me to speculate he could care less to speak to me and I am not even worth a few words.I think that is acting lionhearted and mean. What if one day he decides to talk to me again like a year or two and I moved on? I am getting closer to the idea he really does not like me at all.And instead of expressing any type of emotion he is just ignoring me all together ... My motivation is Education. And so far things are going good. I consolidated my small loan and will be heading back this Summer. I am going alone. And intend to be in totally different classes from A.
He is trying to tell me to attend classes the same time as him. And I am going to slowly pull off from him. This is my life and I don't want to keep this going any longer. He keeps buying me stuff and because my broke ass keeps accepting it. I do have my car stuff to take care of and haven't done so because I was sick this past week and remember the week before it was a stomach bug, so evidently my immune system was down and so the white blood cells were under attack. Anyway, I will be taking care of the things I need to do. I think once I do these things maybe then I will see things differently. I want to major in Computer Science so when I head off to RIT I am going for Computer Science. I love Computers and they're the core of my being I want to learn everything about them and what makes them sufficient what makes them who they are. I want to build my own robot and maybe learn to make microships.
I hate how I have to breathe out of my mouth because my nostrils are rendered useless. The fuck. I hate having to shower when I'm sick, I love showering just not when I'm sick. I also hate the nasal drip and the itching of the ear canal and having to make this weird throat noise to scratch it, makes it sound almost like an "animalistic" grunting.Oh, and I hate how I am already hearing impaired and my head is congested so is my ears. So hearing anything is next to impossible.
When people call me it sounds funny far away with an irritation to my ears. I can't hear the TV, I already have it to 32 on the Volume, now it is at 54. I know people around my building are like, "This bitch needs a new hearing aid." Anyway, Yeah my sister is unsanitary, she likes to swap spit with different people I guess she is so lonely so she rather have antibodies of viral horseshit floating in her infectious body of flaming pus. I really really hate her guts. I despise her for the trouble she caused me, she told my soon to be ex...one day I'll break him off.
Anyway, She knows I have an infatuation for this guy who doesn't even acknowledge my existence, she told my BF about how I like the way his hair smells and how I like his personality and blah blah blah....I'm like, "Bitch, you live in a broken down storefront and have neighbors/sidekicks who bathe out of buckets and smell like dead zoo animals you never finished college and fight and steal from people. And you want to try and blow me up on an innocent causality?
I have goals and plans and will get those goals! I know what I want and will fight to get it. I do have deep feelings for M. I always will. He was not some 'cheapshot bootycall' he was seriously someone I would've wanted as a friend or kept in my speeddial log whenever he wanted to see me I would've been there. I really appreciate his friendship and to lose it was extremely devastating for me. So to hear this cheap bitch talk ill of my accomplishments and passions just made me realize exactly what I was up against. I wanted to be with a man I felt was my equal or can bring me up in this world.
I know in my heart he thinks of me, I hope fondly. If not, then I must be some really evil person that no one can seem to understand. What is it about me that leads people to think I am not worthy? I have done everything I should do without bringing other people with me. I keep my personal issues to myself and fight them on my own in anyway I can. I do accept gifts from A. And that is what upset M. And I did not want to hurt him, AFTER he hurt me with the, "I don't want to see you again" I felt my chest filled with pain of knowing how those words could be so true. I really want him, in every way. I wish somehow things could be different. I wish I could just see him again and tell him how I really feel he brings that out of me he makes me feel like I have some serious changing to do and no one has EVER had that kind of hold on me. I am a dark person at heart, but yet I love deeply and in my own way. I don't really know how else I am suppose to be I don't know what passion he endures. Love is a good thing and I wish I could show him that.
He said some negative things about me and I am unsure if he meant it or if he was just extremely deviated by my words and actions. I will never know because he won't tell me. He will not converse me negative nor positive, it leads me to speculate he could care less to speak to me and I am not even worth a few words.I think that is acting lionhearted and mean. What if one day he decides to talk to me again like a year or two and I moved on? I am getting closer to the idea he really does not like me at all.And instead of expressing any type of emotion he is just ignoring me all together ... My motivation is Education. And so far things are going good. I consolidated my small loan and will be heading back this Summer. I am going alone. And intend to be in totally different classes from A.
He is trying to tell me to attend classes the same time as him. And I am going to slowly pull off from him. This is my life and I don't want to keep this going any longer. He keeps buying me stuff and because my broke ass keeps accepting it. I do have my car stuff to take care of and haven't done so because I was sick this past week and remember the week before it was a stomach bug, so evidently my immune system was down and so the white blood cells were under attack. Anyway, I will be taking care of the things I need to do. I think once I do these things maybe then I will see things differently. I want to major in Computer Science so when I head off to RIT I am going for Computer Science. I love Computers and they're the core of my being I want to learn everything about them and what makes them sufficient what makes them who they are. I want to build my own robot and maybe learn to make microships.
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