So I am a person who is in training of her endeavors. I am up past one in the morning sleep deprivation at its finest(exercising). I am losing weight again...but still big. Yep. Only way this lady is going to be a "skinny" woman is if she decides to stop eating the following: 1. Bread. 2. Spaghetti. 3. cereal. 4. white rice 5. ice cream 6. chocolate.
Those are the main things that keep me a-round...hahaha... get it? I want to work out and still eat these things. I want to be thick and strong no way will I be a skinny toothpick. I want meat on my body and I want to bellydance so bad. No reason why I cannot. I am going to join a bellydance class.
I want to do weird things I secretly desire...for example I want to dress like a man for one full week. I want to carry the activities of a man, dress like one, act like one, even do the facial hair...only at night. I want to be a different person, pull away from myself and build the EGO of a man I wanted all my life and portray the charistics of a guy I can never have. A man who would most likely date a woman, preferably middle class with a good education, good credentials in society and has a family. And when I dress like this man I want to pick up women who I know I could never be. Make her world feel complete...then go home back to my own life.
Well I am looking into this and apparently it is saying I may suffer from dysphoria. Ha. I am not out of place it is clearly about my ego and boosting it. I can dress better as a man, I like the taste of it. I love the way a man wears his hair clean cut, I love the scent of him. Cologne preferred and a man has to dress sharp. I will only do this if I can get away with it at a local bar. I don't know if I have the guts to leave my house like that. I want to do it though. And get people going, I'm sure I can get the world to see my life, my desire. I remember back in the day I was big on colognes like Navigator, Gravity, irish spring soap. I remember this gym teacher, Mr. Mahoney and he always smelled sharp. And took care of his appearance he made the ladies woo over him.
I loved it. I wanted to be part of that life. I wore windbreakers and filas and sport shirts. I looked good and of course the women came into my life. When I go in front of a mirror and see myself wearing women clothes I get grossed out. I hate heels. I like em' on other women. The way they bend over and look to the side ...makes me wet.
I am going to get back to being myself. And if guys don't like it. fuck it. I am not going to change. I do like men too that's the thing. I want both.
Those are the main things that keep me a-round...hahaha... get it? I want to work out and still eat these things. I want to be thick and strong no way will I be a skinny toothpick. I want meat on my body and I want to bellydance so bad. No reason why I cannot. I am going to join a bellydance class.
I want to do weird things I secretly desire...for example I want to dress like a man for one full week. I want to carry the activities of a man, dress like one, act like one, even do the facial hair...only at night. I want to be a different person, pull away from myself and build the EGO of a man I wanted all my life and portray the charistics of a guy I can never have. A man who would most likely date a woman, preferably middle class with a good education, good credentials in society and has a family. And when I dress like this man I want to pick up women who I know I could never be. Make her world feel complete...then go home back to my own life.
Well I am looking into this and apparently it is saying I may suffer from dysphoria. Ha. I am not out of place it is clearly about my ego and boosting it. I can dress better as a man, I like the taste of it. I love the way a man wears his hair clean cut, I love the scent of him. Cologne preferred and a man has to dress sharp. I will only do this if I can get away with it at a local bar. I don't know if I have the guts to leave my house like that. I want to do it though. And get people going, I'm sure I can get the world to see my life, my desire. I remember back in the day I was big on colognes like Navigator, Gravity, irish spring soap. I remember this gym teacher, Mr. Mahoney and he always smelled sharp. And took care of his appearance he made the ladies woo over him.
I loved it. I wanted to be part of that life. I wore windbreakers and filas and sport shirts. I looked good and of course the women came into my life. When I go in front of a mirror and see myself wearing women clothes I get grossed out. I hate heels. I like em' on other women. The way they bend over and look to the side ...makes me wet.
I am going to get back to being myself. And if guys don't like it. fuck it. I am not going to change. I do like men too that's the thing. I want both.
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