Noticing how this is going to turn out.

I am seeing the bigger picture and see the reality of things. I know that Akin is not going to be ready for this big move he doesn't know how to be honest or set things straight. He has to constantly be told how to do things. I am trying to remain calm I just don't know how to be a certain way anymore. He says I am too serious and I keep thinking I've been through so much and I want to regain my happiness again. I just dont remember how to be happy I need to pray be with God and cleanse my soul. After he took my child I was never the same again. On the other side of things I keep having hot flashes with this menstrual cycle phew I am sweating. Anyway, I try to find ways to keep myself together. I don't remember what it is like being "in love" I remember having similar feelings for people when I was younger but not now. I don't rely on it I am not looking for it at the moment. But I do miss the whole "fire in my loins thing" I think being in Rochester I have lost myself.