I am going to make a short blog then I have to finish my math. (I hate math.) Anyway, my sister wants to move with me to __. And I don't want her to because of the past things she has done and is still doing. Not responsible with rent, she is physically abusive and uses intimidation to get what she wants. For two nights I have had dreams about her destroying my property.
I take that as a sign. Honestly, what is she going to do besides smoke weed all day and when she gets mad enough she will take it upon my personal possessions and destroy them? She has poured juice on my carpet, threw coffee or tea at my wall. Wrote "fuck you" on my closet wall. I have a nice place why would I jeopardize my new place with her fuckery?
She is highly envious of other people. Especially if you are doing well and have all the things you wanted or if you are feeling good about yourself it is a poison around her. Whenever she is around I am unhappy I feel pressured and like she is sucking me for whatever I have.
The other day she flipped out because I had new sneakers. Like, what. the.fuck. She said I am treating her like she is a piece of shit on the bottom of my shoe. Which is not true, I have tried over the years to open up to her. She used to say I was worthless because I was on social security and had no license or not going to college.
Here I am completed those goals and yet she is still thinking I am some dumbo. But uh...I am living stabilized, have a car and pay my insurance on time and still trying to help her out even though I know she won't pay me back. She never does.She says I am selfish. ???? How when she was getting those school checks she would splurge on relentless shit and not pay her bills. Left me with the rent MANY times.
I had my first eviction because of her. Rent was 600 bucks and I only had a set income. My ex husband tried to pay the rent by working for the landlord. He told me, "don't move in with her, it'll be a disaster." She uses me. down in North Carolina on the base used me for Frank's money while he was overseas. And never once did she ever help out, only when she went to pick up some money from her ex at the time. I think she bought weed and alcohol maybe some snacks. And anytime I became authoritative and tried to tell her No. she would fight with me. And then I tell her to get out.
I don't want to be that way. But I have rules. and they're pretty simple. pay bills. half on everything. Don't eat up all the food if you're not going to put back. Simple as that. I like my space. I have always been a reserved person, maybe I come off as a bitch. But deep down I would jump in a train track to help someone. I am a passionate person, but with all the schemes and trickery people have done to me I have to put my foot down.
My sister and I fought way back in the day in NYC. She and Jo kicked me out of their studio because I wasn't bowing low enough to the ground and kissing their feet. I had just got out of Akin's house and the drama. So I was glad to leave. I never got over how they treated me. It was horrible I had to give Debra money every time he sent me money.
Then Akin's dad spoke to Debra and she lied on me saying I stole her ipod. I have my own!! She started making up stories about how I did this and that just because I left her controlling- tyrant- ass. OH god she is one of the most nastiest vindictive people I have ever met. my heart still hurts from all the terrible shit she has put me through. The cold winter I was left out in. She could give two fucks if I was lost.
But I wasn't. I remembered that day to never put myself out there like that again. Ever. Akin didn't go with me when I was in the streets. He didn't email me for two weeks when I was gone. He left me out there all alone. no amount of money would help me.
Try making good memories with this girl. She punches her girlfriend in the face at sea-breeze because she didn't move fast enough with the water. White people are looking at us, like, what the fuck? Then she starts driving erratically after we were kicked out of the park. You can't go anywhere with her, seriously. One time we went to a club and she only went to start problems with a woman who was married and she was taunting her ex online.
I don't want people living with me. Nope. why? For what? People have disliked me all my life, I am not about to let people in my home because I obtain the materialistic connections. Like a car or a nice TV. No. I am not. Yeah I am going to be a bitch about it. The one person I owe myself to is God. He had his angel right next to me while I held on and fought and fought for months to get housing.
I wanted children because I do have love to give. And I thought I could have that family life. But then it occurred to me I would have to build something with Akin and kiss his family's ass. I don't do that. However, I am all about apologies and forgiving. They are Muslims and closed-in. They are cynical towards Western culture yet they live here in America. I don't get it. They don't want Akin dating black women because they think it's gross. But yet, they will open whiteness into their homes.
When Akin fucked that girl, Jasmine it dawned on me he went right for his type. He claims he likes black women but the first thing he humps is a red headed Scottish 19 yr. old girl with blue eyes. Which his family seemed to like. He claims he only did it; because I did. The guy I TRIED to fuck was lame. a two minute nutter. With a finger sized penis. didn't do me any good. three thrust doggy and he was done. ech. Oh, god- I wanna forget. Forever.
Which, was not the only one he fucked. He was really into her; she was like I really like you, blah, blah. And apparently they talked before they fucked. So he already her picked out. so it wasn't a random fuck.
After I found out I was livid. I said, go to her then. And after that I invited her my house. So she can see where I was. And then Akin was shocked. I told him to leave and it was over. but then we got back together. it was a love/hate connection.
One of his cousins likes me. I never would take that route because it's not in my nature. But he likes black women. He sincerely does. However he is weird. I can't, it is too taboo even for me. Well I am off to do my math. yipee.
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