Rough road ahead

I am trying to keep myself together as I move out of Rochester. I found a place but the money to get a movers truck is complicated. I've asked Akin over and over to help me and he hasn't. The only time he helped me was to give me money to get Debra and Jo tickets out of my house and to a state of their choice. Other than that he wasn't inclining to offer me anything other than that. 

Sometimes I ask myself what makes him who he is and how come I don't I love him anymore? I am not attracted to him. We still speak via text but to verbally talk is not something we do on the regular.He complains of headaches. He is always on his PlayStation and has no regard to life. I need at least $500.00 to get me to CT and to pay a deposit. I am no longer concerned about what his problems are. Because what I am dealing with is real life issues.

For someone who spends all day in the basement of their parent's house, greasy hair, improper hygiene, no resources of their own is kinda appalling and disgusting. Who does that? What will he do when his parents are dead? I can't deal with the shit. My car is in the shop because this negro side swiped my car while going 60 miles an hr turning from the corner. The weave hat hoe took out my bender and headlamp. Good thing I am fully covered so I have a rental. 

I have to pay the deductible. Yippee. But on the police report she is at fault so I have to wait for the other insurance company to reimburse my deductible. I can't wait to move so I can have lower insurance. The stress I have is paying for the Truck to move me from here. that's the hassle. Hopefully I can find a cheap moving company.

I'm moving!

May not be the greatest place but it'll beat being without a place. :-) very happy. 

Stressed. In more ways than one.

I thought I could handle all this at once, but I feel like I can't. Moving, getting my housing switched over, trying to make sense of all that is going on with Rochester. I have a racist professor, who likes to pick and choose which rules she is following. At first I thought she was genuine. Then I saw that wasn't the case. 

I am overly stressed. I don't want to think about it. I want to be free, I am no longer going to care. I made it clear I didn't want to help other people with their drama and baggage. I meant it. Debra keeps trying to get shit out of me, always badgering me about what she needs. I can't take it anymore. And she pretends her life is in order. I know the truth.

I just want to one day get a small boat and ride thew coastline for a day and enjoy the warm weather and feel at peace. I want my life to be put together and not in a dark place anymore. I deserve to be happy with a little girl of my own and live my life. Go to school maybe work in a religious segment to feel a spiritual connection. 

Remove myself from all negativity. I don't need to be living on the edge of my seat because other people are not together. 

Packing!

I am packing right now and loving every minute of it. I have decided if I don't get the place I want I will still move and then from there look for a place. I would consider a room or something until I can get settled. I am not comfortable with my soon-to-be-ex-for-good coming or my deranged sister.

I saw her craziness today. She is severely ill. she needs to be on meds permanently. No stopping. I don't know what happened to her. Is it drugs?

Took the first step

I finally did it. I went. I saw. and hopefully I conquered. Only time will tell.

And then...she wants more.

Trying to save money and Debra keeps asking me and asking me for money. She will try every possible way to get money from me. You give someone a yard and then they'll want a mile. Simple as that. So when giving make sure you say no as often as possible. I am not going to give you my bra just so your tits won't hurt when you're running to reach your goals. Sorry, you had your turn, you had your opportunity and you threw it all away to chase a person that wasn't part of your life to begin with. You decided to let your loans go into default based on your lack of motivation and ability to get housing.

I will leave you where you stand. You were not there for me when I requested it. And honestly, I wouldn't want to be in your life. After all the years of abuse from you and drama that comes with you is uncalled for. I am doing what I can right now. for me. So I can reach the next step. And that is for me to reach out to those who need it. 

Not for those who use it.

Moment is now

I am writing here because I am exhausted I have so many things going on and unsure of what is going to happen next. I have to travel with him and wonder if it is better if I go by myself. I have to go and fill out paperwork and get it all done in two days. I won't have anytime to meet up with anyone and I want to. I only have three days. I am so mad because I want to meet up but how can I go anywhere with him? 

I don't want to be embarrassed or judge for being with someone like him. You can't take him anywhere in public. He has no fucking manners. I don't want to be judged by my family. So I wish I could bring my sister but she is always broke. And so I am not paying for her meals that cost more than my rent.

I guess I will have to sneak out while he sleeps to go and meet up. I will be tired but things have to get done. I am looking online now for places besides the one place I have had my eye out for.


:-) 

Yay!!