Xscape - Understanding

What I need from you is understanding,
How can we communicate,
If you don't hear what I say.
What I need from you is understanding,
So simple as 1-2-3,
Understanding is what we need.

[Verse One (Tiny):]
You don't really know me,
You just wanna do what you wanna do.
That's not the way it should be,
No, you should listen to me boy.
I try so very hard to make you understand,
But the choices you make, baby they're all demands.

[Break:]
[Kandi]
I try so very hard to keep our love alive,
But you don't wanna meet me half way,
Then the understanding dies.
[Tamika]
There's no way that we can work it out,
If we don't pull together.
I don't mean to be demanding,
But I want some understanding,
I want to be with you.

[Repeat Chorus]

[Verse Two (LaTocha):]
I listen to you baby,
And I know the things you're going through.
I try to understand,
That's why I'm still here with you, baby.
See everyday we're living,
Is one thing that will always be unsure.
That's why I need you baby, pleading baby,
Please let our love endure.

Ne -yo and jennifer hudson leaving tonight

(feat. Jennifer Hudson)

[Ne-Yo talking:]
I believe that love and trust are one in the same
I don't think you can truly love somebody unless you trust them
That blind trust, that beyond a shadow of a doubt
No matter what this person sayin, that person
You believe your man
Now you say you love me, but every time one of your little friends come at you with something
We gotta do this
Mama I'm tryin, I'm trying to show you that I'm for real
Tell me what I gotta do to show you that I'm for you

[Jennifer Hudson talking:]
Just shut up and listen

[Verse 1 - Jennifer Hudson:]
Two hundred and sixteen 
That's how many times that I went
Back and forth about it in my mind 
Could she, could she really be
Who he's telling me that she is
There's something about it 
That don't feel right 

[Bridge 1 - Jennifer Hudson (Ne-Yo)]
Said today she called here 26 times
(I know you counted)
You kept telling me not to worry
(Don't worry bout it)
Wanna believe that you're telling the truth
(So don't doubt it)
But if you are lying to me

[Chorus 1 - Jennifer Hudson (Ne-Yo)]
You're leaving tonight
Out of my life
Everyone said you ain't no good
Then you prove them right 
You're leaving tonight
It's over and done
Ain't no sense in trying to wait till the morning comes
(You're leaving tonight)

[Verse 2 - Ne-Yo]
Baby now hold up
Lets just settle down
Cuz there's a perfect explanation
To this situation
That we're goin through
(This thing that we're goin through)
I swear I don't know that girl
But I seen her 'round
And she's expressed how much she want it
But baby I'm not lonely
All of me is around you

[Bridge 2 - Ne-Yo (Jennifer Hudson)]
Said I got a girl like a thousand times
(So you counted)
She kept telling me not to worry
(Don't worry bout it)
Please believe I'm telling the truth
(I really doubt it)
Really wish you would believe in me

[Chorus 2 - Ne-Yo]
I'm not leaving tonight
Girl you're my life
All of your friends think I'm no good
Please don't prove them right
I'm not leaving tonight
Its over and done
Let's leave this alone, and lets make love
Till the morning come
(Not leaving tonight)

[Bridge 3 - Jennifer Hudson (Ne-Yo)]
Oh I won't deny
That everything in my body
Wants to know that you're the one
(So what's the problem girl?)
See I can't take this serious when you're just having fun
(No, I'm not just having fun)
Steady running around making a fool of me
(Baby girl you can't listen to everyone
I'm your man, trust in me
Don't let them interfere with us being happy)

[Breakdown - Jennifer Hudson (Ne-Yo)]
(Love me girl)
I love you, that's a fact
(Say that you love me baby)
But I'll be dammed if ima let you up and disrespect who's been there from the start
(You not gon disrespect my heart)
You claim to not know (not know that girl)
But her name and number is in your phone
She even got a ringtone
You care to explain that part?

[Bridge 1 - Jennifer Hudson (Ne-Yo)]
Said today she called here 26 times
(I know you counted)
You kept telling me not to worry
(Please don't worry bout it)
Wanna believe that you're telling the truth
(So don't doubt it)
But if you are lying to me

[Chorus 3 - Ne-Yo (Jennifer Hudson)]
I'm not leaving tonight
Girl you're my life
(Everyone said you ain't no good
And you prove them right)
I'm not leaving tonight
(It's over and done)
Just leave us alone
And lets make love
Till the morning come
Not leaving tonight

[Outro - Ne-Yo (Jennifer Hudson)]
Said I just need you to trust me
(I wanna trust you)
Not leaving tonight

fighting this cold

Still sick, coughing up phlegm and god knows what else. When you're diabetic it can make you very sick and so I've been sick. I'm getting better but my throat feels weird and coughing up a lung. I went to the Doctors yesterday and he prescribed me antibiotics. I don't know who was sick but this is is one NASTY cold. So my sugar was 198 and I took my medicine for my sugars. I will drink plenty of water and no sugary drinks. I'm exhausted I need to sleep. I know everytime I try to sleep my throat begins to feel dry, irritated and itchy because one nostril is slammed shut with inflammation ans the other one is just there whistling to over compensate for the other nostril. Well I must be getting better I am coughing up phlegm so that means I don't have pneumonia. On another note. I still miss M. I still want him. Even if it takes years for him to come around and see I mean well Hopefully one day he'll see I do care about him and I know somewhere along the way he thinks about me too. I feel like one day...you know? I hope he and I always stay someway...in touch. I bought him something from Egypt and don't know if I should sent it to him. A keeps asking me what I'm buying online and for whom. Like WTF. like he's my husband or bank employee. Like, get off my tits, keeps asking me for sex every two seconds. And I'm actually disgusted. I don't feel good, congested, coughing and he wants sex. I asked for tea...he gave me his balls and said, "Tea bag this" The fuck? no way. ew.

Congested mind/lots of cursing.

I am Congested beyond repair, I have had this cold since Wednesday. I really hate my Sister. Yes. She is so unsanitary she smokes cigarettes and does weed she has an addiction.So she passes that blunt with everybody and so I end up getting sick because she caught a cold and drank off of things around the house and so now I am sick. I HATE COLDS. I hate how one side of your nostrils swells up and you can't taste anything in your foods. Fuck, if it is spoiled you wouldn't know until you're in the toilet shitting out water.

I hate how I have to breathe out of my mouth because my nostrils are rendered useless. The fuck. I hate having to shower when I'm sick, I love showering just not when I'm sick. I also hate the nasal drip and the itching of the ear canal and having to make this weird throat noise to scratch it, makes it sound almost like an "animalistic" grunting.Oh, and I hate how I am already hearing impaired and my head is congested so is my ears. So hearing anything is next to impossible.

When people call me it sounds funny far away with an irritation to my ears. I can't hear the TV, I already have it to 32 on the Volume, now it is at 54. I know people around my building are like, "This bitch needs a new hearing aid." Anyway, Yeah my sister is unsanitary, she likes to swap spit with different people I guess she is so lonely so she rather have antibodies of viral horseshit floating in her infectious body of flaming pus. I really really hate her guts. I despise her for the trouble she caused me, she told my soon to be ex...one day I'll break him off.

Anyway, She knows I have an infatuation for this guy who doesn't even acknowledge my existence, she told my BF about how I like the way his hair smells and how I like his personality and blah blah blah....I'm like, "Bitch, you live in a broken down storefront and have neighbors/sidekicks who bathe out of buckets and smell like dead zoo animals you never finished college and fight and steal from people. And you want to try and blow me up on an innocent causality?

I have goals and plans and will get those goals! I know what I want and will fight to get it. I do have deep feelings for M. I always will. He was not some 'cheapshot bootycall' he was seriously someone I would've wanted as a friend or kept in my speeddial log whenever he wanted to see me I would've been there. I really appreciate his friendship and to lose it was extremely devastating for me. So to hear this cheap bitch talk ill of my accomplishments and passions just made me realize exactly what I was up against. I wanted to be with a man I felt was my equal or can bring me up in this world.

I know in my heart he thinks of me, I hope fondly. If not, then I must be some really evil person that no one can seem to understand. What is it about me that leads people to think I am not worthy? I have done everything I should do without bringing other people with me. I keep my personal issues to myself and fight them on my own in anyway I can. I do accept gifts from A. And that is what upset M. And I did not want to hurt him, AFTER he hurt me with the, "I don't want to see you again" I felt my chest filled with pain of knowing how those words could be so true. I really want him, in every way. I wish somehow things could be different. I wish I could just see him again and tell him how I really feel he brings that out of me he makes me feel like I have some serious changing to do and no one has EVER had that kind of hold on me. I am a dark person at heart, but yet I love deeply and in my own way. I don't really know how else I am suppose to be I don't know what passion he endures. Love is a good thing and I wish I could show him that.

 He said some negative things about me and I am unsure if he meant it or if he was just extremely deviated by my words and actions. I will never know because he won't tell me. He will not converse me negative nor positive, it leads me to speculate he could care less to speak to me and I am not even worth a few words.I think that is acting lionhearted and mean. What if one day he decides to talk to me again like a year or two and I moved on? I am getting closer to the idea he really does not like me at all.And instead of expressing any type of emotion he is just ignoring me all together ... My motivation is Education. And so far things are going good. I consolidated my small loan and will be heading back this Summer. I am going alone. And intend to be in totally different classes from A.

He is trying to tell me to attend classes the same time as him. And I am going to slowly pull off from him. This is my life and I don't want to keep this going any longer. He keeps buying me stuff and because my broke ass keeps accepting it. I do have my car stuff to take care of and haven't done so because I was sick this past week and remember the week before it was a stomach bug, so evidently my immune system was down and so the white blood cells were under attack. Anyway, I will be taking care of the things I need to do. I think once I do these things maybe then I will see things differently. I want to major in Computer Science so when I head off to RIT I am going for Computer Science. I love Computers and they're the core of my being I want to learn everything about them and what makes them sufficient what makes them who they are. I want to build my own robot and maybe learn to make microships.

Finally growing old.

Yesterday an epiphany hit me about myself.I cannot continue to make excuses for myself today is the day I will wake up and see the big picture. I finally consolidated my small loan I owed for school. And so I now know that I need to make those changes no one is going to do it for me. When do we wake up and recognize our failures? If we can find what makes us bitter we can have fulfilled happiness as long as we make those changes. I cannot wait to go back to school and not have to worry about debt. I have above College level reading and writing, as for math is a pain in my ass. Oddly, I want to study computer science and psychology. Something about the human brain that sets me in a trance of constant analyzation so anyway, I am listening to Portishead-Carry on. I remember this song from a long time ago when I used to be a pothead. It was always floating in my head, I think weed made me see myself in a different way.So I should be able to attend College this Summer, take half classes and then start full time in the Fall. I already took the accuplacer and so I will be that school everyday. I don't care about anything else but completing it so I can go to RIT at 31...Yeah, I am REALLY late. I don't know of any thirty yr olds in College.I can always lie about my age. No one has to know about it after all I still look like I'm in my twenties. I love Computers, tech and the geeks that come with it. So I know I can meet other geeky guys and go to town on them haha...It's fun being able to live on your own and my freedom is becoming more and more in depth. A. is finally loosening his grip on me and not being so clingy and has finally realized he cannot control my every move.I don't want to get married right now, I don't want kids right now either. He is persistent with trying to get me pregnant...ew. I think it is a turnoff from life and puts a hold on my choices. I want a kid with someone I can relate to, someone who can bring me up in this world and not bring me down. I don't want to keep relying on him for small stuff. I want to have my own and I will.I'm excited about this transformation in my life and a new beginning.No more clouds over my head leaving me to ponder in confusion.

Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z - Deja Vu ft. Jay-Z

[Intro:]
[Beyonce:] Bass
[Jay-Z:] Uh
[Beyonce:] Hi hat
[Jay-Z:] Uh
[Beyonce:] 808
[Jay-Z:] Uh
[Beyonce:] Jay
[Jay-Z:] Uh-huh
Ready?
Uh-huh
[Beyonce:] Let's go get 'em
[Jay-Z:] Uh-huh
C'mon

[Jay-Z Rap]
I used to run base like Juan Pierre
Now I run the bass hi hat and the snare
I used to bag girls like Birkin Bags
Now I bag B ([Beyonce:] Boy you hurtin' that)
Brooklyn Bay where they birthed me at
Now I be everywhere, the nerve of rap
The audacity to have me whippin curtains back
Me and B, she about to sting
Stand back

[Verse 1]
Baby seems like everywhere I go
I see you, from your eyes, your smile
It's like I breathe you, helplessy I reminisce
Don't want to compare nobody to you

[Pre-Hook]
Boy, I try to catch myself
But I'm out of control
Your sexiness is so appealing
I can't let it go
Oh

[Hook]
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby I swear it's Deja Vu
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby I swear it's Deja Vu

[Verse 2]
Seeing things that I know can't be
Am I dreaming? When I saw you walking past me
Almost called your name
Got a better glimpse and then I looked away
It's like I'm losing it

[Pre-hook]
Boy, I try to catch myself
But I'm out of control
Your sexiness is so appealing
I can't let it go, oh

[Hook]
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby I swear it's Deja Vu
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby I swear it's Deja vu

[Jay-Z Rap 2]
Yes! Hova's flow so unusual
Baby, girl you should already know
It's H-O, light up the strobe
'Cause you gon' need help tryna study my bounce, flow, blow
What's the difference?
One, you take in vein while the other you sniffin'
It's still dough, po-po try to convict him
That's a no-go
My dough keep the scales tippin like 4-4's
Like I'm from the H-O-U-S-T-O-N
Blow, wind so Chicago of him
Is he the best ever, that's the argu-a-ment
I don't make the list, don't be mad at me
I just make the hits, like a factory
I'm just one-to-one, nothin' after me
No Deja Vu, just me and my, Oh

[Bridge]
Baby I can't go anywhere
Without thinking that you're there
Seems like you're everywhere, it's true
Gotta be having Deja Vu
'Cause in my mind I want you here
Get on the next plane, I don't care
Is it because I'm missing you
That I'm having Deja Vu

[Pre-hook]
Boy, I try to catch myself
But I'm out of control
Your sexiness is so appealing
I can't let it go
Whoo...

[Hook]
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby I swear it's Deja Vu
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby I swear it's Deja Vu

Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby I swear it's Deja Vu
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby I swear it's Deja Vu

Yahoo Answers is a joke.

So, as most of you know I spend a great deal of time reading, writing, dissecting shit because I don't work. Nope. I gladly sit at home with income fairly comfortable. Not broke, not living in poverty. How I get my money? Not by whoring or pimping or robbing. Just don't worry about it. Now, I went to Yahoo answers to ask some questions about my stalking of this guy, Mina. Yeah, I am stalking him. Just not every day just he is embedded into my numbskull. I hate it I want to be the mature adult and tell myself this obsession is not healthy. I want to wake up tomorrow and fixate myself on my student loan debt that was wrongfully given to me ...so I took 45 minutes out of my day to speak with student default services and decided to go ahead and make payments on my account so I can go back to school. I can afford to pay about $300.00 for three months to get the lift off my account, once the decision has been made on my appeal if approved they'll reimburse me. I am not going to sit around waiting for these people to make a choice for me. Anyway, back to the original topic. I asked a question about stalking. Like what is considered crazy or not normal on Yahoo Answers. -_-. Yeah. Not anything worth getting info about. Just immature answers like, "oh you have a boyfriend?!" "oh mah gawd and you like this dood..no way"! "you skank!" typical teenage trolling. I really wanna just go through the computer and take my fist into his or her brain cavity. I don't get how people act so nice in pictures and in person when 90 percent of these people talk shit online. Cowardly shit. More reason for me to be a hermit and not pay any attention to fake plastic people. Yeah. The same ones who go to the salon dye their hair blond with a size 00000 waist and sip on starbucks o calorie coffee lates' and think everything is for them. People like that think they're spectacular and anyone who thinks differently need to be evaluated for a Craniotomy. So I feel like I may be stalking this guy, not in a bad way but enough for him to go forwarding my emails to his sister and brother in a far away place called, Buffalo, NY. It gets to be annoying after awhile when you try to be an honest person and this guy seems right for you but then all hell breaks loose when one of your bipolar moods hit during an argument. I am a raging person verbally, as for being violent not really my thing unless I lose it during an argument. I need to get a job, a hobby other than being online talking to this guy. I AM SO HAPPY. I AM GETTING A CONSOLIDATION ON MY LOAN. GOD READ MY BLOG